We are not naive to the fact that we are trying to blend families with teenagers, and That.Is.Hard! No matter how great the kids are (and ours are), it is difficult to take 2 families and make them one. Especially in circumstances like ours...one parent lost to a horrible disease-cancer...and the other to divorce and drugs. Our children have already been through some really difficult times. And now, they have another challenge to handle....a blended family.
I read once that it takes 5 years to blend a family. 5 years?? That is a lifetime. There are routines and the way they used to do it and the way you used to do it...and new roles to learn....and the hierachy of the new family....and the way discipline is handled.....and having a 2 parent household again....and traditions....and extended families....and how do you incorporate the missing parents...is anyone else feeling overwhelmed yet? And all that comes after the marriage, but....What about where will you live? Will they have to attend new schools? Make new friends? There is alot to consider when blending families.
This topic has been stressful for Rex and I to navigate through. We have had many discussions on how we are going to handle these issues. We had a struggle about where we were going to live. I wanted to stay where I was and what my daughter was used to and he had promised his children that they would not have to move after their mother passed away. It was something he felt very strongly about. I was so conflicted with that decision. We looked at houses in both places, but mostly closer to him. When we found our house, I knew it was the right place for us to be. We were under contract for another house, but that fell through when the square footage was off and they would not lower their price...so we began looking again. When we found this house, it just felt right. We knew this was the place we needed to be. I'm sure it will be a blessing to all of us. Only time will tell that!
As far as all of the other struggles for blending families, we have decided to parent together. This may be hard in the beginning for everyone to adjust to, but we feel that we have to make decisions together and stand united so that we can be a stronger foundation for our children and so they can also see what a family unit looks like. I'm sure there will be some struggles with this, especially when discipline is concerned, but we are going to take it day by day and then evaluate how its working for us and adjust as needed. We have tried to incorporate a little of the old for each child both in structure and decor and then some new that pulls our new family together.
We have contact with our extended families as well as our past spouses families and we are working to build relationships with them and keep our kids as involved in those relationships as they want. Distance is an issue, but we are working on keeping an open line of communication for all that want to be involved. And I must say...we are so blessed. We have some of the most caring people in our families & extended families. We could not be happier with the support we have received.
The last thing that weighs on my mind is that if it really does take 5 years to blend a family, our children will be moved out before then. Our oldest only has 3 years left at home before she leaves for college and is out on her own. How I love these kids I've been blessed with to have in my family. I hope in that short time I can develop lasting relationships and instill in them my love for each one of them. I struggle with the fact that I will be coming into their lives during some of the most difficult times they will endure which may require some of that discipline we were just talking about. I don't want them to see that as punishment, but more as guidance because I care about them. I want them to know that I love them and that I am there for them through anything they are going through.
Raising kids is hard and sometimes being a step parent is even harder!! But we have to keep loving and keep hoping and keep trying even through those times of wanting to give up! I have to think there will be some of those days for all of us out there! Our 'Happily Ever After' can come though, through hard work, prayer and persistence. I'm grateful for this new family and look forward to the new adventures together!
