Helping your Child Grieve

A year ago, our lives were altered forever.  I received devastating news.  My ex-husband, my daughter's father had tragically died.  He committed suicide.  It was a crushing time for us.  He had a drug addiction that took him from us long before that, but to have him lose his life this way was heart breaking for us. 

I remember not knowing much about suicide.  I remember being scared for my daughter's well being and the way that this would affect her.  I talked to a counselor.  I researched suicide, the effects of losing a parent to suicide, statistical reports of suicide and survivors of suicide.  Being religious, I prayed and read talks given by the leaders of my church.  I asked Heavenly Father to help me to know what I would tell her, to give me the knowledge I needed to answer her questions, and just be there for her.

After we talked about suicide we snapped this picture. 

I love that she could smile through her tears!

I was able to find information about suicide here.  There are a lot of scary statistics and information here, but I also felt like I needed to have facts about suicide and the effects it has on those around them.  It gave me the tangible, logical information I needed to explain to my daughter that her father was sick.  He had a disease.  He was a drug addict and his brain didn't function correctly.  I also reassured her that her father loved her very much and this was in no way her fault or because of anything she did or didn't do.  We also talked about the spiritual aspects.  I found a WONDERFUL talk to help with these questions.  The title of the talk is, Suicide: Things we know and some we do not, by M. Russell Ballard, who is a member of the quorum of the twelve apostles in my church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  You can find the talk here.  His words not only comforted me, but gave me the very answers I needed to help my young daughter understand that this was not the end for her father and that he could still continue to learn and grow and evolve now that he was freed from his earthly demons. She now has the comfort of knowing that her dad is safe, no one can hurt him and she always knows where he is.

My cute, sweet, sensitive daughter has amazed me through all of this.  She has a very good understanding of her feelings and how to get a handle on them.  She went through a small amount of counseling to help her navigate the sadness of this tragedy, but she is excelling.  She is a straight A student, a member of the  National Junior Honor Society, she dances competitively, and she is the class president of her church class organization.  She misses her dad every day.  She is sometimes sad, but she pushes through the sadness and decides to find the happy side of life and the blessings she does have.  She amazes me daily with her strength and determination to spread happiness in the world instead of let this event define her.  She is an example to me....and She can do Hard Things!

I know that this is not the end of the struggle of him not being a part of her life, but through our faith in Jesus Christ, we can be healed.  We can continue to move forward and find happiness.  Jesus overcame the world so we can too.  He did hard things and so can we!!  I'm thankful for Him, for families and for the happiness there is to be found in this world.  Don't give up..there is help out there. 

"As I think about the worry and agony of those whose loved one has taken his or her own life, I find deep comfort and faith in the Lord’s promise and blessing to us who remain in mortality: “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” (John 14:27.)" -M. Russell Ballard