Today is their Anniversary

My husband is a widower.  I married him fully knowing this.  I put all of the feelings of him and his first wife aside when I decided to marry him.  I wasn't sure if I could handle them all, but I knew I loved him and I knew marrying him was right and what I wanted to do.  Sometimes her memory is hard for me.  I feel like I am the other woman.  I feel like I only got a second chance because she died.  I am afraid that I will be alone in the next life, because in my personal beliefs, this life is only part of our eternal existence.  Let me be clear, these are my feelings, not my husband's.  He NEVER compares me to Jeni.  He never makes me feel that he loves me any less than he loves her.  These are my own personal feelings that sometimes get the best of me...especially on days like today. 


Today is their wedding anniversary.  It would have been their 19th wedding anniversary.  In some ways it makes me sad and brings up all of my insecurities.  However, in some ways, it brings me joy.  She helped influence this man that I love so much.  She helped him become who he is in so many ways.  I'm sure he is more compassionate and loving because of his experiences with her.  He is so giving of himself and his time.  He understands what it means to truly love someone.  He never wants to fight or argue over things.  He is understanding and forgiving.  He is ALWAYS trying to make me happy.  He gives all he has to his family.  I know that because of her, he is this amazing person.  I also know that whatever comes in the next life, I will be happier than I ever imagined.  I know God loves me more than I know and He will make everything right so we can all be happy. 


So while I sometimes have these negative feelings eating at my heart, I am thankful for her and her influence...her goodness.  Happy Anniversary!!  I hope you are dancing with the angels in celebration and wishing you nothing but happiness and peace. ❤❤❤