My husband is a widower. I married him fully knowing this. I put all of the feelings of him and his first wife aside when I decided to marry him. I wasn't sure if I could handle them all, but I knew I loved him and I knew marrying him was right and what I wanted to do. Sometimes her memory is hard for me. I feel like I am the other woman. I feel like I only got a second chance because she died. I am afraid that I will be alone in the next life, because in my personal beliefs, this life is only part of our eternal existence. Let me be clear, these are my feelings, not my husband's. He NEVER compares me to Jeni. He never makes me feel that he loves me any less than he loves her. These are my own personal feelings that sometimes get the best of me...especially on days like today.
Today is their wedding anniversary. It would have been their 19th wedding anniversary. In some ways it makes me sad and brings up all of my insecurities. However, in some ways, it brings me joy. She helped influence this man that I love so much. She helped him become who he is in so many ways. I'm sure he is more compassionate and loving because of his experiences with her. He is so giving of himself and his time. He understands what it means to truly love someone. He never wants to fight or argue over things. He is understanding and forgiving. He is ALWAYS trying to make me happy. He gives all he has to his family. I know that because of her, he is this amazing person. I also know that whatever comes in the next life, I will be happier than I ever imagined. I know God loves me more than I know and He will make everything right so we can all be happy.
So while I sometimes have these negative feelings eating at my heart, I am thankful for her and her influence...her goodness. Happy Anniversary!! I hope you are dancing with the angels in celebration and wishing you nothing but happiness and peace. ❤❤❤
This year for our end of the summer family vacation we all decided to go to Bear Lake. The kids have never been there and I haven't been since I was a kid! So we packed them up and took a trip! We actually stayed in Paradise, UT because we have a family home there and also because I didn't realize it was Raspberry Days in Garden City and there were no hotel rooms available at a reasonable price! But it was only an hour drive from Paradise to Garden City, so you can't beat free! Even if there is a little more of a drive!!
We started our day off at Minnetonka Cave. We had heard so many great things about this stop.
It did not disappoint! 3 out of our 4 kids had never been to a cave before and they didn't know what to expect. They loved the rock formations and the history of the cave. Our tour guide, Kinzi, was awesome! She answered questions and gave us a great understanding of the cave. Their favorite part was being able to touch the 1 rock that you're allowed to touch in the whole cave! Their least favorite part???...They all forgot jackets and it was a toasty 40 degrees in the cave!! And 888 stairs! And they are slick! We all took our share of almost falling on our bottoms!! Overall, what a great time spent at Minnetonka Cave!
The next stop on our trip was actually on the way down from the cave on the Minnetonka Cave Road, Blue Pond Springs. Its just a little turn off on the main road...if you blink you might miss it!!
It was a fun little shallow pond. It was literally 2 mins off of the road and beautiful. It was clear and clean. Very easy to see the bottom of the pond and fun to skip rock across. We only stayed for a short time. We had heard there was a moose that likes to frequent this pond and bask in the sunshine. Unfortunately for us, there were no moose sightings! But still a nice place to visit.
Next stop...Paris Ice Cave!! We have been told so much about this place too! Some of our friends told us about this quaint little place when we told them we were going to Bear Lake. They told us how much their kids enjoyed it and how cool (literally) it was when they entered the cave. Another friend told me that her Grandfather used to go to that cave back in the day and actually carve ice out of it to take home for his freezer.
I honestly wasn't expecting that there would still be snow there, BUT there was! And it was definitely cooler in the cave. There are 2 parts to this cave...the first one is the room you walk into from the outside, which has a big opening in the rock so its only a partial "cave". You can then make your way around some other rocks to a small opening where it then opens up to another room with more ice and snow. Keep in mind if you are going to do that, be sure to wear clothes you don't care if they get a little dirty and wet. And its slick! There is still a lot of ice covering the unsteady rocks ( and this is August people!!) so BE CAREFUL! I loved this place and knowing a little bit of history of the cave. It isn't a guided tour cave so it made it a little more fun to be able to see it at our leisure! The drive to it took about 45 mins up Paris Canyon and not right off of the main road, but it was worth the drive. The top of the cave was covered in wildflowers and grasses. Very pretty!
Next on our list, and my favorite part of the day, was Bloomington Lake. This fun place is about 12 miles up Bloomington Canyon. The road is very rough and is dirt the entire way. It is a popular spot to go so there was a lot of traffic & the roads are narrow. It took us about an hour to get up to the trailhead, but it was Raspberry Days so I am sure there were many more people than normal. It was about a half mile hike into the lake. The trail is fairly easy though & our 7 year old made it with ease! But check out this view.....
It was so beautiful...this picture does not do it justice! The rock cliffs behind it..the clear water...all of the green grass and wildflowers. And snow!! It was so amazing! This is quite the place for kayaking, paddle boarding, swimming, cliff diving...and there is even a rope swing. Although there were many people there, it didn't feel over crowded to me. There was plenty of space to enjoy some time with your family. I could have spent all day there. It was really fun!!
Last stop of the day was Garden City. We took advantage of being in the place with the world famous Bear Lake strawberries and ate at the Quick N Tasty and of course had the raspberry shake! Then we walked around the town days booths and stopped at the beach to take in some of the lake! Because, that is what we came for!!
It was beautiful, peaceful and relaxing! The kids had a blast just playing in the water & sitting around talking after a long day of exploring! I had forgotten how blue the lake is. And I seem to remember it being very cold...but not so much this time! It was perfect!
This was the perfect getaway for a quick trip! I definitely want to come back to Bear Lake! Its so close and well worth the time to take in all of the beautiful scenery and fun small town feel. I have so much fun with this family of mine and I can't wait to plan the next trip! He's having fun...I promise!!
We've all had those days when we struggle. Your life isn't how you imagined...You aren't the perfect mom or spouse, you are yelling at your kids or loosing your patience...your house is a mess and your laundry isn't folded...you don't know what to make for dinner or you just plain don't want to make it. There are always those thoughts in the back of our minds about how we aren't measuring up to all of the "together" mom's out there. BUT...when you stop and think about all of the good things you DO have, doesn't that just put things back into perspective a little bit? We don't have to be perfect to be happy! We can be grateful for what we do have and what we can do and sometimes that is enough...YOU ARE ENOUGH.
If you are feeling like I was today, take the time to think about all of your blessings and you will find all of the beautiful reasons you have to be happy! For today, lets choose happiness!!
So I acquired this cool old piece of furniture from a family friend. It was old and been sitting in a garage for some years. It was dirty and broken down and in need of some much needed attention. I had been in Vernal for a baseball tournament with my son and I stumbled upon this cute little store, Ohh La La and Friends, and fell in love with chalk paint. They were really kind and told me about the paint and how easy it was to use. They only used the Annie Sloan brand and they LOVED it!! I told my husband I wanted to try it with a small item...a frame or something...but then this happened!!
I cleaned it, taped off the mirrors and glass pieces, removed the old hardware and looked at a few pieces online to get an idea of what I wanted to do and decided I was ready to try it! I went to my local distributor of Annie Sloan paint, Drab 2 Fab. They walked me through what I would need to get started, from brushes to paint to wax, they even showed me on a sample piece how to use the wax and what it should feel like when I was finished! They were awesome & I will definitely be going back for more supplies. I chose the Annie Sloan French Linen paint. I also decided I was going to wax my piece instead of using another type of finish. I purchased both the light wax to seal my piece and then the Dark Wax to antique it with.
After I cleaned my piece and let it dry I decided to use a shellac to seal it so that no color from the wood or the years of using pledge or other oils would bleed through my paint. After that, I started painting. Most things I read said it didn't matter on the first coat what direction you painted, just to get it all covered. I tried to go all the same direction if I could, but in those harder to reach places I didn't care so much. Here is what it looked like after the 1st coat....
At first I was worried...it looked a mess, but from reading online, that's what the first coat does! Phew!!! I waited 3 hours to let it dry and then I put on the second coat, which I did paint all in the same direction, mostly because I wasn't sure if I would need 2 or 3 coats. I let that dry overnight and then looked it over. I decided it needed one more coat. With this coat, I dipped my brush in a little bit of water and then made long strokes in the same direction. I didn't want a lot of texture in the paint and this seemed to make my finish look more smooth and less brush lines. I let that dry overnight, ok...maybe a few days until I could get back to it! This is what it looked like...
I then waxed the piece with the Annie Sloan Clear Wax. I just did small sections at a time and wiped it down with some painters cheese cloth to get the excess wax off. Then I began using the Annie Sloan Dark Wax. I wasn't sure exactly what I wanted to use the dark wax on so I just started applying it to places I thought might accent it nicely. I wasn't too worried because I knew I could always put the clear wax on it to take the dark wax off. I started by using a sponge, throw away brush, but then I switched to just an old cotton t-shirt that wouldn't leave any cloth residue on my piece. Here is a picture of how I started using the dark wax...
I didn't love how that was looking and I couldn't decided if I wanted to put the dark wax on the whole piece or use the clear wax to remove it all. After thinking it over, I decided I liked the antique look and I would use the dark wax on the entire piece. So with cloth in hand, I put some dark wax on and then rubbed it into the piece until I was satisfied. Here is the final piece...
I added new hardware and then a wallpaper finish to the back of the piece behind the shelves. I actually just had a piece of plywood cut to size and put the wallpaper on that in case I wanted to change it out from time to time. I am very pleased with the final product. It was a fun project and I loved learning to use the Annie Sloan Chalk Paint! Now on to the next project.....
A year ago, our lives were altered forever. I received devastating news. My ex-husband, my daughter's father had tragically died. He committed suicide. It was a crushing time for us. He had a drug addiction that took him from us long before that, but to have him lose his life this way was heart breaking for us.
I remember not knowing much about suicide. I remember being scared for my daughter's well being and the way that this would affect her. I talked to a counselor. I researched suicide, the effects of losing a parent to suicide, statistical reports of suicide and survivors of suicide. Being religious, I prayed and read talks given by the leaders of my church. I asked Heavenly Father to help me to know what I would tell her, to give me the knowledge I needed to answer her questions, and just be there for her.
After we talked about suicide we snapped this picture.
I love that she could smile through her tears!
I was able to find information about suicide here. There are a lot of scary statistics and information here, but I also felt like I needed to have facts about suicide and the effects it has on those around them. It gave me the tangible, logical information I needed to explain to my daughter that her father was sick. He had a disease. He was a drug addict and his brain didn't function correctly. I also reassured her that her father loved her very much and this was in no way her fault or because of anything she did or didn't do. We also talked about the spiritual aspects. I found a WONDERFUL talk to help with these questions. The title of the talk is, Suicide: Things we know and some we do not, by M. Russell Ballard, who is a member of the quorum of the twelve apostles in my church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. You can find the talk here. His words not only comforted me, but gave me the very answers I needed to help my young daughter understand that this was not the end for her father and that he could still continue to learn and grow and evolve now that he was freed from his earthly demons. She now has the comfort of knowing that her dad is safe, no one can hurt him and she always knows where he is.
My cute, sweet, sensitive daughter has amazed me through all of this. She has a very good understanding of her feelings and how to get a handle on them. She went through a small amount of counseling to help her navigate the sadness of this tragedy, but she is excelling. She is a straight A student, a member of the National Junior Honor Society, she dances competitively, and she is the class president of her church class organization. She misses her dad every day. She is sometimes sad, but she pushes through the sadness and decides to find the happy side of life and the blessings she does have. She amazes me daily with her strength and determination to spread happiness in the world instead of let this event define her. She is an example to me....and She can do Hard Things!
I know that this is not the end of the struggle of him not being a part of her life, but through our faith in Jesus Christ, we can be healed. We can continue to move forward and find happiness. Jesus overcame the world so we can too. He did hard things and so can we!! I'm thankful for Him, for families and for the happiness there is to be found in this world. Don't give up..there is help out there.
"As I think about the worry and agony of those whose loved one has taken his or her own life, I find deep comfort and faith in the Lord’s promise and blessing to us who remain in mortality: “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” (John 14:27.)" -M. Russell Ballard
Every morning on the way to work I listen to a talk given by speakers from my church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, or the Mormons as most know us by. It's a way for me to hear inspired words to uplift me and give me something positive to focus on for the day. I feel like it brings me closer to God and helps me to remember things that are important for me to grow as a person.
Today I listened to a talk by John H. Groberg from the October 1976 General Conference. (Here is the link in case you'd like to listen or read it, https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1976/10/there-is-the-light?lang=eng) He recalls an experience he had while in the South Pacific and the prompting he got from God to get a young man, a missionary for our church, to the main island because he was sick and need medical attention. However, there was a storm raging and in order to get him to the hospital they would have to go by boat. There was only a small opening in the reef, which they needed to pass through and a small light that lit the narrow passage to get them to the island where the hospital was. They were afraid they might not be able to see it. The storm was gaining power and the conditions were worsening, but he knew he needed to get the young man to the hospital, so they went. He talks about the brave captain who despite all of the adversity he was being challenged with, stayed calm and focused on the reef to find the light and get them safely through the reef.
It reminded me of our daily lives. There are challenges we never expected to encounter, but if we stay fixed on Jesus Christ. If we are kind, charitable, and loving, if we ask for help and try our best to do what is right, we too will be able to see the small, yet beautiful light. May we all strive to share our love with others and come ever so close to being a light in places of darkness.
Mother's Day is a bittersweet day at our house. It is the reminder of a mother gone, but still celebration of all of the wonderful influences that still grace us with their inspiring words and deeds. This year as the kids left to visit their mom's grave I could sense sadness. It broke my heart to know that they were suffering, were sad and there was nothing I could do to take that pain away. The only thing I could do was understand and help them know I am here for them if they wanted or needed me.
The rest of the day was filled with a wonderful church service about charity. Food, family and CHOCOLATE!! What is Mother's Day without chocolate right!! It was fun to BBQ and spend time with our loved ones.
On the way home, I noticed this sweet post from Lucy on Instagram:
That simple, sweet message was one of the most precious gifts I've been given. It was completely unexpected, but so powerful. It made me realize that even though at times I've felt like I am not getting through to them or they don't see me as a mother figure....they do know that I will be there for them and that I do want to help them in any way I can. I love them and in these quiet moments I know they must love me too!!
If you are struggling as a stepmom, DON'T GIVE UP!! Those children need you and they will some day see how much you sacrificed for them and that you really did love them! Get up, brush yourself off, and be the awesome only you can be for them! I believe you can do it! Its hard sometimes and good in other times, but you are exactly what they need!
Happy Mother's Day to all of you awesome mothers out there!
