Updated: Blended Families Part 3

Here we are again...another year gone by and more lessons learned in the world of blending families.

We have been married for 3 years now.  This year has had it's up and downs too.  I feel like this year has been smoother in most aspects.  Everyone knows the rules and has their own space.  They are integrated into their schools and social lives.  They are thriving and are such great kids.  Rex and I always comment on how our kids have been through so many hard things and yet, they are great kids.  They don't have major issues, just the normal growing pains.  They might be intensified by their losses, but they are amazing and always find a way to cope.  We feel so lucky to be their parents.

This year our oldest daughter, Lucy, graduated from high school and left for college.  This totally changed the dynamic of our home.  She was the most responsible one.  The one who helped and nurtured our youngest the most.  She was the one we knew we could rely on.  BUT...it was time for her to start her own journey, which we are thrilled for.  She has been looking forward to this for a long time and we know she will do great!

The other kids are adapting to life without Lucy.  They are building their relationships with each other much more.  They are coming closer and learning more about one another, which doesn't always result in happy endings.  There is still teasing and fighting and learning that they aren't always right, but I would say that overall they are doing great!  Cole is now the oldest child at home and he has taken that role on willingly and does what he can to help his siblings and us, the parents as they like to call us!  Kaylie is becoming the fun sibling that Cecelia needs and entertains her and does fun things with her.  Cecelia is growing up quickly.  She is curious about the things around her, which sometimes gets her into trouble because she is always wanting to try new things!  There are small changes in the household like chore charts and other household responsibilities, bedtimes, who gets to stay home and watch Cecelia instead of going out with their friends, and who gets to pray or read scriptures AGAIN since you just did it at the first of the week, but it's your turn again.

Rex is amazing as always.  His patience with all of this is almost superhuman.  He is constantly building me up and helping me through the challenges of life.  We still make all of our decisions together...kids, house, work, everything really.  It makes it easy to support each other and our family because we both have ownership of the life we are building together.  I know that doesn't work in everyone's situation, but for us that has been essential.

We are excited to see what great things are to come this year!  We feel lucky to have so much love and support from our families and friends!!  This blended family business is challenging at times, but it is so worth it every day!!  Here's to another year!!!

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Heather

15th Birthday

This girl is officially 15!!  She brings soo much joy into our family.  She is happy, kind and loves a good blanket...no serious....she has 14 of them!  Her favorite gift this year was her new Minky Couture pineapple blanket! She is getting ready to take her drivers test to get her learners permit (WHAT?!?!?!), busy dancing her way through life and squeezing in as much time with her friends as she can!  We are so proud of you Kaylie!  We can't wait to see what great things you are going to accomplish!! 

Happy Birthday!!!!

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Heather

Spreading Love

My sweet friend lost her dear mom over the weekend.  To brighten her day after the long, grueling day of the funeral, I had the young women and other leaders I work with in my church, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, write little notes of love and appreciation for my sweet friend and her daughter.

On the day of the funeral, I snuck over to her house with my little 8 yr old and we put them on her door!!

Just one small way to show her how much we love and appreciate her.  I hope it was a little moment of happy in her day.

"Never suppress a generous thought" -Camilla Eyring Kimball


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Heather

Happy 3rd Anniversary to Us!

I can't believe I've been married to my dream man for 3 yrs.  3yrs on the 3rd....Isn't there a special name for that...when your anniversary falls on the date you were married?  Well in my world its a celebration!!

This year it was on a Sunday!  So...we did the things we would normally do, like church and hung out with the kids....all except when our youngest threw up at the dinner table!  Not awesome!!  We made sure she was alright and then it was off to Anniversary Inn...(check it out if you haven't been, it was awesome).  We had treats and watched movies & just enjoyed our time together.  Since our anniversary falls over Labor Day, we had Monday to hang out together.  We checked out a reclaimed wood store we have wanted to visit, but it was CLOSED!  So being our fun selves...we headed home!!

I love that we can have fun just hanging out together, doing the normal every day things that a family does.  That is what a real relationship is to me.  Its not just the going out every night, spending money and impressing each other...its the real things of life...the good and the hard things, but we face them all together.  Thanks for sticking with me Goodman!  We make a great team!!

Happy Anniversary!


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Heather

4th First Date

It's that time again...the time when we get to celebrate our first date EVER!!  We are so thankful that we found each other.  With all the crazy of 4 kids and real lives, we think its important to take the time to celebrate us and our relationship.  So we went back to the place where it all started.  Dinner and taking in some us time at City Creek.  Simple, but fun to reminisce how WE came to be!

So thankful for this guy and all of the happiness he brings into my life!  Love you more every day Goodman 💜


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Heather

Lucy's Graduation Day 2018

It's here!!  She is graduating.  So many emotions on this exciting day!!  She is celebrating her success, I mean 36 on the ACT isn't bad right 😉😉😉, and looking forward to continuing her education in the fall!  We are so proud of this beautiful young lady!  Although we will miss her at home, we are excited for all of the new adventures she is about to experience!!

Love this family of mine ❤❤ and all of the things we get to do together!!

Happy Graduation!

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Heather

God Loves Broken Things

I am constantly looking for other women who are going through or have been through the same things I am struggling with.  Blending families, divorce, remarriage, raising kids...whatever it is.  It seems like it is always easy to find the negative or discouraging things out there, and I know that is part of the journey, but its so special and uplifting to me when I find someone who can be in the midst of a trial, but still be trying to find happiness. And can show that happiness throughout their struggle.  Not every day maybe, but more than they are projecting negativity, and also that they can show they are making it through and so can I.   It's the way I want to live, the way I am trying to live, although I know I need to work on that a lot!

Yesterday I came across Calee Reed.  She is a motivational speaker and a songwriter, singer.  She spoke in Time Out for Women in 2017 and talked about a song she absolutely loves called "Broken" by Kenneth Cope.  She also talked about a form of Japanese art called Kintsugi.  It means to repair with gold; the art of repairing pottery with lacquer and gold or silver powder, understanding that the piece is more beautiful for having been broken.



She goes on to say that she hopes that as she comes closer to the Savior that He can make something beautiful of her broken pieces.  And I just LOVE THAT!  Don't we all feel like we have so many broken parts of us?  There are so many things that we find ugly within ourselves..things we want to just hide away, but with the love of our Savior and His refining power He is able to put those pieces back together in a way that is beautiful and powerful and we can see His light within ourselves.  I love this image and imaging His love woven through the cracks in our lives and the love that we feel knowing of His love for us.  And hopefully others will be able to see that too!

I love this message.  I love that others help us on our journeys.  I love that God loves us so much that He uses us to help each other.  I love that through our brokeness (Is that even a word??)  that we become better beings and closer to what He wants us to become.


Here are the words to "Broken" and also a link to her cover of the song:

BROKEN (Words by Kenneth Cope; Music by Kenneth & Eliza Cope) —inspired by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

Broken clouds give rain
Broken soil grows grain
Broken bread feeds man for one more day

Broken storms yield light
The break of day heals night
Broken pride turns blindness into sight

Broken souls that need His mending
Broken hearts for offering
Could it be that God loves broken things

Broken chains set free
Broken swords bring peace
Broken walls make friends of you and me

To break the ranks of sin
To break the news of Him
To put on Christ till His name feels broken in

Broken souls that need His mending
Broken hearts for offering
I believe that God loves broken things

And yet, our broken faith, our broken promises
Sent love to the cross
And still, that broken flesh, that broken heart of His
Offers us such grace and mercy
Covers us with love undeserving

This broken soul that cries for mending
This broken heart for offering
I’m convinced that God loves broken me
Praise His name—my God loves broken things
So, broken cloud—Give rain
And broken soil—Grow grain
And broken bread—Feed man for one more day

Calee Reed cover of Broken



Happy Wednesday Everyone! ❤

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Heather

Spring Break 2018

This is the last Spring Break before our daughter heads off to college.  We offered a few choices of where we might go for spring break and she chose to see 4 National Parks; Kolob Canyon, Bryce Canyon, Capitol Reef and Canyonlands National Park.  They were awesome!!  So amazing that these places exist....Beautiful beyond belief!!  Make sure to see the petroglyphs in Canyonlands at Newspaper Rock.  We all loved seeing those.  Amazing that they have survived this long!!

We decided to get the America the Beautiful Pass.  It's basically a year of unlimited access to any National Park.  It was $80, but well worth it.  It saved us time when entering the parks and we only had to pay once!  If you are visiting enough parks to make it worth buying then you definitely should.  They sell them at most of the visitor's centers.  I have linked the website to the pass above that you can check out and see where to buy them!!

We did 4 parks in 5 days with 4 kids, 2 parents stuffed into a Toyota Highlander, 24 hrs of driving, 2 stopping places and LOTS of fun!!  The kids were great!  I prepared ahead of time with some car games.  I found some great websites, Landeelu.com and Mum in the Madhouse for some games to play while driving.  And of course we played some of the classics..the alphabet game, the name game using the alphabet, and the license plate game, which we found all but 12 states!  Everyone wanted Hawaii, but no luck!!  We even drove around the outlook parking places looking for different license plates!!  We had a lot of fun just being together and seeing all of the beautiful landscapes of the national parks!  We had to stop at the Visitor's Center of each park and get a window sticker for our oldest to put on her hydroflask.  Of course there was time for sleeping and also for using their electronics.  I did like that most of the time there was no cell service.  It really gave us a chance to interact and spend uninterrupted time together!  Here are a few of the sites.....

Kolob Canyon

Bryce Canyon

Mesa Arch at Canyonlands

Capitol Reef

It was so much fun to hang out with our kiddos and make some memories!!  I treasure each family vacation we take.  Not only do we get to see cool things, we get to grow closer together as a family and build our family relationships.  If you read my blog you know that we are a blended family.  It is essential to me to spend as much time together as we can.  We only have a few short years to live all in the same place & build our relationships so these times are priceless to me!  Love this family of mine!!

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Heather

Rainbow Love Notes

Sometimes as a stepmom I wonder if I'm doing it right, if I do enough, if I am enough, if these littles (and not so littles) entrusted to me feel enough love and support.  Its a challenging situation when you are blending families.

This weekend my daughter and I were out of town at a dance competition.  And when we came home, this is what we found....

What a precious little gift.  My cute little 7yr old made this adorable card for us during sacrament meeting and had each of the family members sign it.  Such a sweet sentiment for this mom!  I love this family.  I love being a part of it and I love that as time moves forward we are able to share more love and kindness with each other...especially ones with handmade rainbow love notes!!

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Heather

Highlights of 2017

2017 has been a good year for me.  I know there is a lot of bad happening in the world, but I try to find the good in things despite the bad things going on around us.


We've had some milestones as a family and individually!  We have all gone through some hard times and had some really good times blending our family.  I feel like this year has been the best year yet in terms of blending..hard, but getting stronger as a family, accepting each other and trying to find love for one another.  Here are some of my favorite moments from this year.....




In January 2017 our oldest daughter got her driver's license!!  OH No!!  Look out world here she comes!!!!!

Also in January, our 2nd oldest daughter was able to go to the LDS temple for the first time and perform baptisms for the dead!  It was such an awesome experience to have all of our children who are old enough to go be there all together for this experience!

For Spring Break in April we took a trip to California!  I was able to go to my inlaw's almond farm for the first time, Newport Beach (which was Kaylie's first time to the beach...at 13...epic mom fail!!), Disneyland and Las Vegas to visit some family!  It was a great trip...with LOTS of driving....but a week of fun!!

In May, our son Cole finished his Eagle Project.  He fundraised, bought, tied and delivered fleece blankets to the Huntsman Cancer Institute.  He did this to pay back and say thank you to them for all of the support and care they gave to his mom while she was undergoing cancer treatments.  He hopes in some way it will bring some happiness to others in that situation.  It was so rewarding as a parent seeing him not only give back, but give back to something that touched his life so deeply!  Way to go Cole!

In July I finished my VERY FIRST furniture restore!  It was so fun for me to try something new and something out of my skill set!  I enjoyed it and have done a piece or 2 since!  Check out my journey with chalk paint HERE.

In August we took an end of the summer family road trip to Bear Lake.  It was the first time some of us had been there...Check out my post about it HERE. 

In October we did family pictures!  I LOVE THEM!!  I'm grateful to my husband for putting up with this sometimes stressful addiction of mine!!

In December we started what I hope to be an annual gingerbread house/people/train decorating extravaganza with my mom and sister.  Heres the 1st annual....

And lastly, also in December is our annual Christmas Eve family selfie...it was a record this year I think we only took 5 photos!  Love this crazy tradition!!

As I look forward to 2018, the word that has become my goal is Balance.  Life is all about balance.  I need to find more of that in my life.  And I think what it really comes down to is just trying to be a little better this year than last.  Life is a progression and I want to keep moving forward, trying new things and becoming a little kinder and more centered so I can focus on what really matters to me...and that is my Family and Friends...people are what really matters in life, but all of the other distractions cause me to lose sight of that at times.  So balance has to be a priority for me this year!  Lots of new experiences are coming our way this year and I am excited to see where they take us!


Happy 2018 Everyone!!


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Heather

Festival of Trees

It's that time of year again!!  It's time for the Festival of Trees.  I love this event.  I love the meaning behind it!  I love the family time we spend there!

Here is a little history of the festival...
The Festival of Trees was inspired 46 years ago by a group of 15 women from along the Wasatch Front.  These women were challenged by Lewis M. Jones, Chairman of the hospital's Men's Endowment Board, to identify a way to raise funds for Primary Children's Hospital.  Organized as the Women's Endowment Committee and led by Betty Wells, the group sold tickets to the Ice Capades and dabbled in other projects in an attempt to raise funds.  They soon determined they had spent too much time and energy for too little return.  They searched for one project they could devote all their efforts on.
That project was inspired when Co-Chair Ruth Flint vacationed in Hawaii and attended a Christmas boutique featuring small, decorated Christmas trees, centerpieces, and Christmas decorations.  The Women's Endowment Committee expanded the concept to include full-sized decorated Christmas trees, a gift boutique, and sweet shop.  At that time, Primary Children's Hospital was owned by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and much of the support would come from church members.
That first year, there were approximately 60 trees for display and sale in the gymnasium of the old Armory off Sunnyside Avenue.  To everyone's surprise and delight, $47,000 was raised!


Today, the Festival of Trees is held at the South Towne Expo Center in Sandy, Utah.  Over the years, this beautiful event has blossomed into a festival that spans over 220,000 square feet of display space.
Perhaps the greatest phenomenon of all is that everything is donated.  The trees are decorated and purchased by individuals, families, organizations, businesses, and church groups.  In addition, others generously donate items to fill the shops.  Businesses provide the paper and printing of posters and tickets.  Corporations offer their covered trucks and drivers to help deliver the trees, and so much more!  Thousands of people contribute countless hours and means to give "A Gift of Love" to children.  In 2016. the Festival raised $2,622,903.88 for children at Primary Children's Hospital.
Over the years, Festival of Trees has been copied many times throughout the United States and Canada.  However, the Salt Lake City Festival of Trees remains the "granddaddy" of them all.


My daughter Kaylie is a talented dancer and her studio would perform every year at the Festival.  We would then spend time walking through the aisles looking at all of the beautiful trees, wreaths and gingerbread houses, etc...and who can resist all of the YUMMY food and treats you can purchase!!  BUT....our favorite part is the Kids' Corner where you can talk to an Elf at the North Pole or make awesome crafts or ornaments or even stand in a booth and be surrounded in a big giant soap bubble!!  Such a magical, fun place to be.  The feeling of joy and good wishes to all abound there.


Now we have a new reason to visit the Festival!!  Lucy and Cole, our 2 oldest, with the help of a family friend donate a tree every year in honor of their sweet mother.  They come up with a theme, shop for ornaments and then decorate the tree.  They LOVE delivery day!  They always seem so excited and really enjoy setting up their tree and honoring their mom.  I am so thankful they have this event every year to honor her and I know they love that all of the proceeds go to help children who are in need of special care too.  They get to go before the rest of our family and they usually have a tree or two that they love and want to show us in addition to their own!!


The theme they chose this year was 'dancing all night'....here are Lucy's words explaining it!!  "One of my favorite memories of my mom is her dance parties.  even when she was sick and in pain from her cancer treatments, she would turn on some music and we'd all dance it out.  these dance parties were the inspiration for this year's tree-dancing all night."
Many people remember these dance parties and talk about them fondly.  It was a blessing to them all and a sweet reminder of the woman who meant so much to so many.

It turned out beautifully!  This event is such a great reminder to me that despite all of the bad things in the world, there are also so many good things.  We must seek out the good things and share them with others.  We must be kind, happy and share our goodness with those around us and help those in need.  "As we follow the example of the Savior and live as He lived and as He taught, that light will burn within us and will light the way for others," President Thomas S. Monson


Go check out the Festival if you are able!  You'll love it and want to go back every year!


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Heather

An Attitude of Gratitude

I've been looking for something to help bring a positive feeling into our home and to get everyone in the spirit of Thanksgiving this year.  So of course I turned to Pinterest!  There are so many great ideas out there.  I decided that I would make it really simple in hopes that we would all follow through and it would be meaningful in some way to each of us!


I decided to make a Gratitude Jar and leave little note size papers next to the jar so we could write down what we are thankful for each day.  I kept it REALLY simple and just made a little tag and tied a piece of ribbon around the jar and put it on our counter where we will see it every day! I told the kids to write down something they are thankful for each day.  They were asking how many they could do a day...I think they might be writing some crazy things down, but I'm glad they are still getting involved and hopefully by the time Thanksgiving rolls around we can have enough to read and remember over the month that we are very blessed.  Love those kids!! 💛


Super easy right!!!??  I've included a free printable, but I kinda changed mine up...so it looks a little different than the picture of my jar! 
What are your traditions for bringing an attitude of gratitude into your homes??

"A grateful heart … comes through expressing gratitude to our Heavenly Father for His blessings and to those around us for all that they bring into our lives."   --President Thomas S. Monson

Free Printable Here

Update: Blending Families

I've been thinking a lot about how blending our family is going.  Its been 2 years since we began this journey.  We've had our ups and downs.  Learning from and with each other.  But, overall, I think we are doing a pretty great job!  The picture below is us on the 4th of July...we're all smiling right...so things must be good!!

In the beginning, parenting was difficult.  Learning how to parent other kids and them learning our different styles of parenting took some time.  But we were consistent in our expectations and made it the same for each of them.   Teaching them why they were given certain learning opportunities (our kids like to see them as punishments however) in different circumstances was also a learning curve. Each child is different and one way of doing something doesn't always work for every child however.....am I right??  😉 So we've had to adapt to that.  We also showed them that we stood together as a team and that no matter what we were going to support each other as parents and spouses.  I think that helped them to understand that they couldn't put us at odds as a couple and play us against each other. If we had a difference of opinion on how to handle something we would talk together and then make a decision together.  We also let our kids voice their opinions or reasons they disagreed with us and then consider their thoughts.  Sometimes we changed their 'punishment' and sometimes we didn't and we would explain why.  I think that helped them know that we value their input even if the outcome was the same.  We gave them a chance to speak. 

We have made an effort to do things together as a family.  We have been on a few family vacations and travelled for baseball and dance competitions.  We play games together, eat dinner together each night, we do nightly family scripture reading and prayers together, and our family home evening once a week.  We give the kids opportunities to work together on projects.  We have finally gotten into a groove with those things and I feel like we are on the right track.

I think it was a great idea to move into a new house.  Everyone had the opportunity to make their own space and place in the house.  No one had claims to any place previously and we all adapted to a new life in a new place.  We all lived upstairs while our basement was being finished and it was a little cramped, but I hope it helped grow the bonds of our new blended family.  We haven't displayed pictures of the deceased parents in the common areas of the house, but we have given each child the choice to have those things in their rooms.  The balance between moving on, but still remembering those good times and people is a funny thing.  Some of the kids tell us when they need support in those areas and other kids handle their emotions on there own.  I hope they know they can share feelings and memories they have!  We have taken some old furniture for comfort and some new things to define our style together as a family.  That has worked well.

Our children are wonderful.  They have taken this blending families thing in stride and have each made an effort to make everyone feel loved and cared for.  There are definitely times when each of them feel picked on or that they don't fit in the family.  We have had to talk through some of that and have had counseling sessions for them and continue to try to be as open as we can about things.  I think our choice to make decisions together and parent like a normal 2 parent household has really helped the strength and unity of our family, and really we are the only 2 parents our kids have now (see my previous post about helping your child grieve).  The kids have been great with one another.  If they recognize someone is going through a hard time they try to be nicer in their own ways or help out if they are asked.  I try to give them little notes of encouragement or let them know when I appreciate something they have done or noticed their efforts in trying to help another sibling.  I hope they can see my love for them through those small acts.

We are still working on our relationships every day.  We aren't finished and we know that this will be a lifetime work in progress, but we wouldn't change it.  We are loving watching our kids grow up and experience things.  Its hard to believe that our oldest will graduate high school in the spring and will leave our home, but we are confident that she will succeed and we will be there for her every step of the way.  That's what families do right?  They encourage and support both in times of trials and in times of joy.  I am so thankful to our Heavenly Father who has been there every step of the way.  He has strengthened us, buoyed us up when we felt like quitting and has provided so many answers and little every day miracles that have assisted us in building our family.  This blended family of ours is the source of our greatest happiness.  

In the Details

I have been blessed with some tiny miracles, some tender mercies, some little experiences that show me that God is in the details of our lives.  That He wants to be in the details of our lives.  He knows us and loves us individually.


As I have said in the recent past, I am a newly called 2nd counselor in our Young Women's presidency and I have the privilege of working with the 12-13 yr old girls in my church.  I love them!  They are full of life and energy.  They are funny and caring and kind.  It's such a joy to be able to share experiences with them.


As a challenge to them and to help them complete their personal progress, (Click on the link to find out more about that program) I have issued them a challenge to read the Book of Mormon in 90 days.  I have reading schedules and a book where they can write down their thoughts, feelings and favorite scriptures as they are reading, treats to be earned, a group text to share our thoughts with each other or to share on social media and other fun things to get them motivated to read!  (If  you are looking for some great ideas on this, check out The Red Headed Hostess!  She has some great stuff)  When I was preparing this, I kept looking for talks by our church leaders about the Book of Mormon and the blessings we receive from reading it.  I prayed for experiences outside of what I was going to do for the girls so that they would see how important it really is to study the Book of Mormon.  Each time my prayers were answered in little small ways...ways I couldn't have imagined.  Of course...because the Lord knows what each of us need to hear and how it will impact us the most!  Time after time they came....people bearing their testimonies in church about the strength the scriptures, specifically the Book of Mormon, gave to them.  At a fireside our bishop's closing statement was almost an exact copy of what one leader taught the girls in our Sunday school class about how they needed to not only know the scriptures in their minds, but they needed to feel it in their hearts by witness of the Holy Ghost that they are true. 


Then there were messages in our group text about what the scriptures meant to them and why that particular verse stood out to them.  I love hearing their thoughts and feelings.  Then one girl shared her favorite verse for the day...1 Nephi 4:6 "And I was led by the Spirit, not knowing beforehand the things which I should do." She then said that we should follow the spirit the first time it prompts us to do something.  It reminded me of the blessing I received when I was set apart for this calling..that I needed to act on my first impression.  Then again at a fireside I attended last night, where the incredible Josie Solomon spoke.  She too quoted that same scripture.  We need to trust in the Lord and follow Him and serve Him and our fellow man.  We never know whose live we need to touch.  We may be the only person who can touch that person in a way that will change their lives for the better.  But if we ignore that first prompting, we may miss our chance.


By the way...if you haven't read or heard Josie's story...you should!  Here is a link to her blog.  She is inspiring.  The things that she has done with her life are incredible.  She is truly amazing...a light to people.  I can't say I would fight back as hard as she does if I was in her situation.  She is a true disciple of Jesus Christ.  Just BEAUTIFUL inside and out!


I guess in short...I am saying that Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father love us.  They want to help us and they are there for us always.  Even if we can't see it at the time.  They are woven into the details of our daily lives.  I'm so thankful for this knowledge, for this inspired help and for the opportunity I have daily to make a difference in the world around me.

Happy Easter

I love Easter!  I love the sweetness that it brings.  Not the peeps and chocolate or the candy kind.  Those are all great, but the real sweetness is the gift our Savior, Jesus Christ gave to us.  He Lives!  He was resurrected and because he was resurrected so can we be. 


President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, Second Counselor in the First Presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints said, "On Easter Sunday we celebrate the most long-awaited and glorious event in the history of the world. It is the day that changed everything. On that day, my life changed. Your life changed. The destiny of all God’s children changed. When I think of what the Savior did for us leading up to that first Easter Sunday, I want to lift up my voice and shout praises to the Most High God and His Son, Jesus Christ! The gates of heaven are unlocked! The windows of heaven are opened! Today and forevermore, God’s grace is available to all.”

I am so thankful for my knowledge of the Savior.  I am so grateful that he suffered for my sins so that I can be forgiven.  I am so happy that I get to live again with my family, that I will be able to see all those who have gone before me again.  I rejoice in the Savior and our Father in Heaven who loved us so much that they found a way for us to return to live with them again.  I love the peace and happiness that come from the gospel.  I know that He lives, that He loves us, and that He wants to help us.


#BecauseHeLives  https://www.lds.org/media-library/video/2015-04-1010-he-lives-celebrate-easter-because-jesus-christ-lives?lang=eng

What's your Why??

Today while scrolling my Instagram feed I came across a post from @mintarrow asking "What's your Why?"  It got me thinking about why I do what I do in my life.  Why I married a widower, why I raise these adorable kids, why I go to work every day, why I try so hard to treat others with kindness, why I work so hard in my church callings and share my feelings about God.

I do it because, like many others I'm sure, I feel good and successful and blessed beyond measure.  I want to share my experiences with others and hope that it helps someone else. I raise these kids because they deserve as much love as they can get...even when their biological mother isn't me, but I love them (and my biological child) and they are my kids none the less.  I love my husband beyond what I thought possible.  I can't imagine my life without him & so of course I want to do as much as I can for him.  I work hard so we can all play hard, so I can learn new things & meet new people.  I love my church and the people I meet there.  I love the teachings and lessons about God.  I am forever grateful for the knowledge of my Savior and the wonderful blessings I receive because of HIM.

So the underlying message here is LOVE.  I live my life in hopes to show others love.  I have my weaknesses though and love doesn't always win out.  I'm moody, tired, stressed, overworked and underpaid just like everyone else, but I'm trying to build people up instead of drag them down.  I love my family.  I feel so blessed to call them mine.  I have so much fun with them and I love the time we are all able to spend together.  I love the stages of life they are at, I love to see them learning and growing.  I love hearing them laugh and building these memories with them.

So tell me...what's your why??



Blending Families

We are happy.  We are marrying the person with don't want to live without.  We are in love.  We are also blinded slightly by this said love!  You see, we have 3 teenage children, ages 15, 13, and 12, and 1 little, age 5.  We love them.  We love each other.  They all love each other...don't they?  Wait!!!!...They barely know each other and the new 'step' parent....this is all going to work out right...the 'happily ever after' we wanted??  Whose idea was this anyway??  I'm sure that is how many people feel.  And the thought did cross my mind!

We are not naive to the fact that we are trying to blend families with teenagers, and That.Is.Hard!  No matter how great the kids are (and ours are), it is difficult to take 2 families and make them one.  Especially in circumstances like ours...one parent lost to a horrible disease-cancer...and the other to divorce and drugs.  Our children have already been through some really difficult times.  And now, they have another challenge to handle....a blended family.

I read once that it takes 5 years to blend a family.  5 years??  That is a lifetime.  There are routines and the way they used to do it and the way you used to do it...and new roles to learn....and the hierachy of the new family....and the way discipline is handled.....and having a 2 parent household again....and traditions....and extended families....and how do you incorporate the missing parents...is anyone else feeling overwhelmed yet?  And all that comes after the marriage, but....What about where will  you live? Will they have to attend new schools?  Make new friends?  There is alot to consider when blending families.

This topic has been stressful for Rex and I to navigate through.  We have had many discussions on how we are going to handle these issues.  We had a struggle about where we were going to live.  I wanted to stay where I was and what my daughter was used to and he had promised his children that they would not have to move after their mother passed away.  It was something he felt very strongly about.  I was so conflicted with that decision.  We looked at houses in both places, but mostly closer to him.  When we found our house, I knew it was the right place for us to be.  We were under contract for another house, but that fell through when the square footage was off and they would not lower their price...so we began looking again.  When we found this house, it just felt right.  We knew this was the place we needed to be.  I'm sure it will be a blessing to all of us.  Only time will tell that!

As far as all of the other struggles for blending families, we have decided to parent together.  This may be hard in the beginning for everyone to adjust to, but we feel that we have to make decisions together and stand united so that we can be a stronger foundation for our children and so they can also see what a family unit looks like.  I'm sure there will be some struggles with this, especially when discipline is concerned, but we are going to take it day by day and then evaluate how its working for us and adjust as needed.  We have tried to incorporate a little of the old for each child both in structure and decor and then some new that pulls our new family together.

We have contact with our extended families as well as our past spouses families and we are working to build relationships with them and keep our kids as involved in those relationships as they want.  Distance is an issue, but we are working on keeping an open line of communication for all that want to be involved.  And I must say...we are so blessed.  We have some of the most caring people in our families & extended families.  We could not be happier with the support we have received.

The last thing that weighs on my mind is that if it really does take 5 years to blend a family, our children will be moved out before then.  Our oldest only has 3 years left at home before she leaves for college and is out on her own.  How I love these kids I've been blessed with to have in my family.  I hope in that short time I can develop lasting relationships and instill in them my love for each one of them.  I struggle with the fact that I will be coming into their lives during some of the most difficult times they will endure which may require some of that discipline we were just talking about.  I don't want them  to see that as punishment, but more as guidance because I care about them.  I want them to know that I love them and that I am there for them through anything they are going through.

Raising kids is hard and sometimes being a step parent is even harder!!  But we have to keep loving and keep hoping and keep trying even through those times of wanting to give up!  I have to think there will be some of those days for all of us out there!  Our 'Happily Ever After' can come though, through hard work, prayer and persistence.  I'm grateful for this new family and look forward to the new adventures together!

Engagement Pictures

After all the planning of outfits and praying that the rain would quit all day, its time to get our engagement and first family photos done!  I tried to get the input of the whole family on the color scheme.  Aqua and Navy blue were the winners!!  I think that is a bit funny though as our wedding colors are cream and coral, but I wanted to include the kids and let them have some decisions to make with this new adventure!


My cousin did our photos.  She is a photographer, JW Photograpy is the name of her business.  She took us to a place in Bluffdale.  It was the perfect location.  The weather was great and I think the pictures are amazing!  Can't wait to choose one for our announcement and another to display in our new home!!  Take a look.....

Picture Perfect!  Love this crazy family of mine!!

💗💗💗💗💗💗

Heather

So I'm marrying a Widower...

So its official!  I'm marring the man of my dreams.  Someone I didn't see coming.  Someone who ended up being EVERYTHING I thought I wanted and someone who is so much more than I could ever have imagined.


I didn't think remarriage or love was in the near future for me.  I have been single for about 6 years.  I was dating, but didn't think I was going to find a companion any time soon.  However, I wasn't dating the guys who were looking to be married.  I was dating the guys that were looking for a good time, no commitments and whatever was convenient for them in the moment. 


Lets see, there was the "milkman", who worked for Winder Dairy.  Our first date was to Music and the Spoken Word.  He was nice, but no real connection for me.  He would randomly text me after months of not talking to see if I wanted to go out.  Then there was Rocky Mountain...he worked for Rocky Mountain Power.  He was an outdoorsman and athletic.  He was always running or playing volleyball.  I liked to WATCH sports, but I wasn't as big on playing all different sports.  We weren't a match.  And then, there was the Nurse.  He was mean and degrading.  I did everything I could to not make him mad or to disrupt what he wanted to do.  No matter what problem arose, he was never to blame.  It was everyone else.  I dated a few other guys that were fun to hang out with and I would rearrange my schedules to hang out with them, but I would never get that in return from them.  I was just a thing of convenience.  They were attractive and fun and had LOTS of girls at their disposal.  I finally had to take a look at the kind of men I was dating.  I always dated guys that deep down I knew I would never marry.  I think I was afraid of being loved, afraid of failing at marriage again since I was so great at it the first time around, afraid of being who I knew I was but not being accepted for it.  As I started to recognize the things I did to sabotage myself, I began to change.  I began to look for guys that had traits I wanted in an eternal companion.  I started to see myself worth increase.  I began to believe I was good enough to deserve the type of man I knew I wanted to have in my life.  One who would value me as much as I did him. 


Then, one night online I saw Rex.  As I read his profile, I liked it.  He seemed honest and sincere.  I thought he was cute and had a good sense of humor.  But then there it was....He was a widower.  I wasn't sure how I felt about that, but I didn't really think I would get serious with him.  I mean, this was one of my first attempts at actually talking to a "good" guy.  We communicated online for a little bit and then we finally met.  Ironically, he came to the same office building I worked in for work himself periodically.  We started dating.  He met my daughter and I met his kids.  Things got more serious & we decided to date exclusively.  I remember thinking that I might need to break it off with him because I wasn't sure how I felt about marrying a widower.  I also remember my mother giving me some of the best advice I have received..she told me not to let my fear take away my happiness.  I needed to give him a fair shot to see if he was truly someone I could spend my life with.  I took that to heart.  I saw the kind of man he was.  He wasn't just in this relationship for himself.  He actually cared about me and wanted to take care of me and my needs.  He was exactly what I was looking for.   And then one day...we were picking out rings, tuxes and dresses, planning a wedding and looking for houses. I can't imagine my life without this guy!!  He is kind, funny, loving, accepting, a provider, my best friend, spiritual, intelligent, handsome...and I could go on, but I think you get the picture! But if not, here is one you can look at !!

I never knew that someone could be so loving and complete me so fully.  I didn't really know what a marriage was before.  My first marriage wasn't an example of what a loving, fulfilling relationship should have been.   Heavenly Father has plan.  I am convinced more of that now than I ever have been.  Nothing happens by chance.  It is all part of His divine plan for us.  He loves us and wants to be happy.   I am so excited to start my life with this guy, and our kids, and our families.  I'm thankful for the opportunity I have been given to be married.  I feel extremely blessed to have found you, REX!  You are the perfect match for me!  I love you!!


I said YES!!