Updated: Blended Families Part 3

Here we are again...another year gone by and more lessons learned in the world of blending families.

We have been married for 3 years now.  This year has had it's up and downs too.  I feel like this year has been smoother in most aspects.  Everyone knows the rules and has their own space.  They are integrated into their schools and social lives.  They are thriving and are such great kids.  Rex and I always comment on how our kids have been through so many hard things and yet, they are great kids.  They don't have major issues, just the normal growing pains.  They might be intensified by their losses, but they are amazing and always find a way to cope.  We feel so lucky to be their parents.

This year our oldest daughter, Lucy, graduated from high school and left for college.  This totally changed the dynamic of our home.  She was the most responsible one.  The one who helped and nurtured our youngest the most.  She was the one we knew we could rely on.  BUT...it was time for her to start her own journey, which we are thrilled for.  She has been looking forward to this for a long time and we know she will do great!

The other kids are adapting to life without Lucy.  They are building their relationships with each other much more.  They are coming closer and learning more about one another, which doesn't always result in happy endings.  There is still teasing and fighting and learning that they aren't always right, but I would say that overall they are doing great!  Cole is now the oldest child at home and he has taken that role on willingly and does what he can to help his siblings and us, the parents as they like to call us!  Kaylie is becoming the fun sibling that Cecelia needs and entertains her and does fun things with her.  Cecelia is growing up quickly.  She is curious about the things around her, which sometimes gets her into trouble because she is always wanting to try new things!  There are small changes in the household like chore charts and other household responsibilities, bedtimes, who gets to stay home and watch Cecelia instead of going out with their friends, and who gets to pray or read scriptures AGAIN since you just did it at the first of the week, but it's your turn again.

Rex is amazing as always.  His patience with all of this is almost superhuman.  He is constantly building me up and helping me through the challenges of life.  We still make all of our decisions together...kids, house, work, everything really.  It makes it easy to support each other and our family because we both have ownership of the life we are building together.  I know that doesn't work in everyone's situation, but for us that has been essential.

We are excited to see what great things are to come this year!  We feel lucky to have so much love and support from our families and friends!!  This blended family business is challenging at times, but it is so worth it every day!!  Here's to another year!!!

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Heather

Happy 3rd Anniversary to Us!

I can't believe I've been married to my dream man for 3 yrs.  3yrs on the 3rd....Isn't there a special name for that...when your anniversary falls on the date you were married?  Well in my world its a celebration!!

This year it was on a Sunday!  So...we did the things we would normally do, like church and hung out with the kids....all except when our youngest threw up at the dinner table!  Not awesome!!  We made sure she was alright and then it was off to Anniversary Inn...(check it out if you haven't been, it was awesome).  We had treats and watched movies & just enjoyed our time together.  Since our anniversary falls over Labor Day, we had Monday to hang out together.  We checked out a reclaimed wood store we have wanted to visit, but it was CLOSED!  So being our fun selves...we headed home!!

I love that we can have fun just hanging out together, doing the normal every day things that a family does.  That is what a real relationship is to me.  Its not just the going out every night, spending money and impressing each other...its the real things of life...the good and the hard things, but we face them all together.  Thanks for sticking with me Goodman!  We make a great team!!

Happy Anniversary!


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Heather

4th First Date

It's that time again...the time when we get to celebrate our first date EVER!!  We are so thankful that we found each other.  With all the crazy of 4 kids and real lives, we think its important to take the time to celebrate us and our relationship.  So we went back to the place where it all started.  Dinner and taking in some us time at City Creek.  Simple, but fun to reminisce how WE came to be!

So thankful for this guy and all of the happiness he brings into my life!  Love you more every day Goodman 💜


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Heather

She's off to college....

And just like that she's off to college...I have so many mixed emotions about this!  On one hand I am so excited for her to begin a new adventure.  One where she gets to be in charge and make her own decisions and choices.  I'm excited for her to have so many wonderful experiences and see the world through her eyes.  On the other hand, I am sad.  I only got her for 3 years.  She won't be at home any more.  Our whole family dynamic changes.  I'm sad she won't be around for all of the experiences that we have and the memories that we will make...I worry that the relationship I have with her will not be enough and that she won't be bonded to our family as much as the other kids.  This blending families business is hard work!

I hope she knows how much she means to me......how much I love her.....how much I've enjoyed the last few years with her...I hope she knows that I am here if she needs me....and that no amount of distance will change that.

So with that sweet Lucy....go take on the world and make it a better place....the one where you hoped you could make the difference....experience life and all of the joys and sorrows....and we will be right here when you need us!!  Happy first year of college!!

She even sent me a 1st day of school pic because she knows how much I love them!!

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Heather

It's Baptism Day!!

There have been so many special moments for our family over the last couple of weeks.  And today...we get to celebrate one more!!  Today is Cecelia's baptism day.  In our church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, when we turn 8, we get to choose if we want to become a member.  If we do, we are able to be baptized and make a promise to Heavenly Father that we will follow His commandments and try to follow the example of our Savior, Jesus Christ.  Also on that special day, we receive a gift from Heavenly Father, the gift of the Holy Ghost...he gets to be with us all the time!  He helps us to know what is right in all the things we do.

Cecelia has decided to become the newest member of our ward and be baptized.  She is so excited to be baptized.  She was able to choose whether Dad or Cole was going to baptize her...and she chose Dad.  She also decided that she wanted to wear Kaylie's baptism dress since she wore Lucy's for her pictures.  She is so excited that her friends and family are going to be there to watch her....she is also hoping that her mom, Jeni will be there too.  I told her I thought she would be.

After her baptism, as she was coming out of the font, she looked at me and said, "Mom, its soo cool that my old mom got to see that!"  We're all so glad we got to be a part of this special day!!  Cecelia we love you and are so excited for you to continue to grow and learn more about our Savior Jesus Christ and His ministry.   Happy Baptism Day sweet girl!!

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Heather

Families are Forever

Today is one of my most favorite days!!  Ever since she was born, I hoped for a day when I would get to have my daughter sealed to me forever!!  As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, we believe that we can be with our families forever.  Through the sacred ordinance of sealing, we can have this blessing for our family....and today was that day!

It was such a special experience to have all of our children in the temple with us for the event.  We were all able to participate in Kaylie's sealing.  The temple workers were incredible and were so excited to have children in the temple, since most times the youth are only there to do baptisms for the dead, which is in a different part of the temple.  Our kids felt like royalty and were definitely treated that way!  They had their own special changing rooms and things to do while they waited for Rex and I to get ready.  Then we were able to meet together in the special sealing rooms.  We all dressed in white.  We all felt the Holy Ghost.  We all knew that this was God's will for us.  He loves us and wants us to be happy and return to Him someday to live as families with Him.

After the sealing, we of course took pictures outside of the temple.  Then we went home and had pizza with our family who came to witness this special time in our lives.  We laughed and ate and enjoyed the time we had to spend together.  Families are a gift from heaven.  They are there to celebrate the good times and help us through the bad times.  They are what brings meaning to our lives!  We are so thankful for all of the love and support we get from our families.

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Heather

If you want to learn more about our church...click on the link here.

Lucy's Graduation Day 2018

It's here!!  She is graduating.  So many emotions on this exciting day!!  She is celebrating her success, I mean 36 on the ACT isn't bad right 😉😉😉, and looking forward to continuing her education in the fall!  We are so proud of this beautiful young lady!  Although we will miss her at home, we are excited for all of the new adventures she is about to experience!!

Love this family of mine ❤❤ and all of the things we get to do together!!

Happy Graduation!

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Heather

God Loves Broken Things

I am constantly looking for other women who are going through or have been through the same things I am struggling with.  Blending families, divorce, remarriage, raising kids...whatever it is.  It seems like it is always easy to find the negative or discouraging things out there, and I know that is part of the journey, but its so special and uplifting to me when I find someone who can be in the midst of a trial, but still be trying to find happiness. And can show that happiness throughout their struggle.  Not every day maybe, but more than they are projecting negativity, and also that they can show they are making it through and so can I.   It's the way I want to live, the way I am trying to live, although I know I need to work on that a lot!

Yesterday I came across Calee Reed.  She is a motivational speaker and a songwriter, singer.  She spoke in Time Out for Women in 2017 and talked about a song she absolutely loves called "Broken" by Kenneth Cope.  She also talked about a form of Japanese art called Kintsugi.  It means to repair with gold; the art of repairing pottery with lacquer and gold or silver powder, understanding that the piece is more beautiful for having been broken.



She goes on to say that she hopes that as she comes closer to the Savior that He can make something beautiful of her broken pieces.  And I just LOVE THAT!  Don't we all feel like we have so many broken parts of us?  There are so many things that we find ugly within ourselves..things we want to just hide away, but with the love of our Savior and His refining power He is able to put those pieces back together in a way that is beautiful and powerful and we can see His light within ourselves.  I love this image and imaging His love woven through the cracks in our lives and the love that we feel knowing of His love for us.  And hopefully others will be able to see that too!

I love this message.  I love that others help us on our journeys.  I love that God loves us so much that He uses us to help each other.  I love that through our brokeness (Is that even a word??)  that we become better beings and closer to what He wants us to become.


Here are the words to "Broken" and also a link to her cover of the song:

BROKEN (Words by Kenneth Cope; Music by Kenneth & Eliza Cope) —inspired by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

Broken clouds give rain
Broken soil grows grain
Broken bread feeds man for one more day

Broken storms yield light
The break of day heals night
Broken pride turns blindness into sight

Broken souls that need His mending
Broken hearts for offering
Could it be that God loves broken things

Broken chains set free
Broken swords bring peace
Broken walls make friends of you and me

To break the ranks of sin
To break the news of Him
To put on Christ till His name feels broken in

Broken souls that need His mending
Broken hearts for offering
I believe that God loves broken things

And yet, our broken faith, our broken promises
Sent love to the cross
And still, that broken flesh, that broken heart of His
Offers us such grace and mercy
Covers us with love undeserving

This broken soul that cries for mending
This broken heart for offering
I’m convinced that God loves broken me
Praise His name—my God loves broken things
So, broken cloud—Give rain
And broken soil—Grow grain
And broken bread—Feed man for one more day

Calee Reed cover of Broken



Happy Wednesday Everyone! ❤

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Heather

Rainbow Love Notes

Sometimes as a stepmom I wonder if I'm doing it right, if I do enough, if I am enough, if these littles (and not so littles) entrusted to me feel enough love and support.  Its a challenging situation when you are blending families.

This weekend my daughter and I were out of town at a dance competition.  And when we came home, this is what we found....

What a precious little gift.  My cute little 7yr old made this adorable card for us during sacrament meeting and had each of the family members sign it.  Such a sweet sentiment for this mom!  I love this family.  I love being a part of it and I love that as time moves forward we are able to share more love and kindness with each other...especially ones with handmade rainbow love notes!!

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Heather

Festival of Trees

It's that time of year again!!  It's time for the Festival of Trees.  I love this event.  I love the meaning behind it!  I love the family time we spend there!

Here is a little history of the festival...
The Festival of Trees was inspired 46 years ago by a group of 15 women from along the Wasatch Front.  These women were challenged by Lewis M. Jones, Chairman of the hospital's Men's Endowment Board, to identify a way to raise funds for Primary Children's Hospital.  Organized as the Women's Endowment Committee and led by Betty Wells, the group sold tickets to the Ice Capades and dabbled in other projects in an attempt to raise funds.  They soon determined they had spent too much time and energy for too little return.  They searched for one project they could devote all their efforts on.
That project was inspired when Co-Chair Ruth Flint vacationed in Hawaii and attended a Christmas boutique featuring small, decorated Christmas trees, centerpieces, and Christmas decorations.  The Women's Endowment Committee expanded the concept to include full-sized decorated Christmas trees, a gift boutique, and sweet shop.  At that time, Primary Children's Hospital was owned by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and much of the support would come from church members.
That first year, there were approximately 60 trees for display and sale in the gymnasium of the old Armory off Sunnyside Avenue.  To everyone's surprise and delight, $47,000 was raised!


Today, the Festival of Trees is held at the South Towne Expo Center in Sandy, Utah.  Over the years, this beautiful event has blossomed into a festival that spans over 220,000 square feet of display space.
Perhaps the greatest phenomenon of all is that everything is donated.  The trees are decorated and purchased by individuals, families, organizations, businesses, and church groups.  In addition, others generously donate items to fill the shops.  Businesses provide the paper and printing of posters and tickets.  Corporations offer their covered trucks and drivers to help deliver the trees, and so much more!  Thousands of people contribute countless hours and means to give "A Gift of Love" to children.  In 2016. the Festival raised $2,622,903.88 for children at Primary Children's Hospital.
Over the years, Festival of Trees has been copied many times throughout the United States and Canada.  However, the Salt Lake City Festival of Trees remains the "granddaddy" of them all.


My daughter Kaylie is a talented dancer and her studio would perform every year at the Festival.  We would then spend time walking through the aisles looking at all of the beautiful trees, wreaths and gingerbread houses, etc...and who can resist all of the YUMMY food and treats you can purchase!!  BUT....our favorite part is the Kids' Corner where you can talk to an Elf at the North Pole or make awesome crafts or ornaments or even stand in a booth and be surrounded in a big giant soap bubble!!  Such a magical, fun place to be.  The feeling of joy and good wishes to all abound there.


Now we have a new reason to visit the Festival!!  Lucy and Cole, our 2 oldest, with the help of a family friend donate a tree every year in honor of their sweet mother.  They come up with a theme, shop for ornaments and then decorate the tree.  They LOVE delivery day!  They always seem so excited and really enjoy setting up their tree and honoring their mom.  I am so thankful they have this event every year to honor her and I know they love that all of the proceeds go to help children who are in need of special care too.  They get to go before the rest of our family and they usually have a tree or two that they love and want to show us in addition to their own!!


The theme they chose this year was 'dancing all night'....here are Lucy's words explaining it!!  "One of my favorite memories of my mom is her dance parties.  even when she was sick and in pain from her cancer treatments, she would turn on some music and we'd all dance it out.  these dance parties were the inspiration for this year's tree-dancing all night."
Many people remember these dance parties and talk about them fondly.  It was a blessing to them all and a sweet reminder of the woman who meant so much to so many.

It turned out beautifully!  This event is such a great reminder to me that despite all of the bad things in the world, there are also so many good things.  We must seek out the good things and share them with others.  We must be kind, happy and share our goodness with those around us and help those in need.  "As we follow the example of the Savior and live as He lived and as He taught, that light will burn within us and will light the way for others," President Thomas S. Monson


Go check out the Festival if you are able!  You'll love it and want to go back every year!


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Heather

Update: Blending Families

I've been thinking a lot about how blending our family is going.  Its been 2 years since we began this journey.  We've had our ups and downs.  Learning from and with each other.  But, overall, I think we are doing a pretty great job!  The picture below is us on the 4th of July...we're all smiling right...so things must be good!!

In the beginning, parenting was difficult.  Learning how to parent other kids and them learning our different styles of parenting took some time.  But we were consistent in our expectations and made it the same for each of them.   Teaching them why they were given certain learning opportunities (our kids like to see them as punishments however) in different circumstances was also a learning curve. Each child is different and one way of doing something doesn't always work for every child however.....am I right??  😉 So we've had to adapt to that.  We also showed them that we stood together as a team and that no matter what we were going to support each other as parents and spouses.  I think that helped them to understand that they couldn't put us at odds as a couple and play us against each other. If we had a difference of opinion on how to handle something we would talk together and then make a decision together.  We also let our kids voice their opinions or reasons they disagreed with us and then consider their thoughts.  Sometimes we changed their 'punishment' and sometimes we didn't and we would explain why.  I think that helped them know that we value their input even if the outcome was the same.  We gave them a chance to speak. 

We have made an effort to do things together as a family.  We have been on a few family vacations and travelled for baseball and dance competitions.  We play games together, eat dinner together each night, we do nightly family scripture reading and prayers together, and our family home evening once a week.  We give the kids opportunities to work together on projects.  We have finally gotten into a groove with those things and I feel like we are on the right track.

I think it was a great idea to move into a new house.  Everyone had the opportunity to make their own space and place in the house.  No one had claims to any place previously and we all adapted to a new life in a new place.  We all lived upstairs while our basement was being finished and it was a little cramped, but I hope it helped grow the bonds of our new blended family.  We haven't displayed pictures of the deceased parents in the common areas of the house, but we have given each child the choice to have those things in their rooms.  The balance between moving on, but still remembering those good times and people is a funny thing.  Some of the kids tell us when they need support in those areas and other kids handle their emotions on there own.  I hope they know they can share feelings and memories they have!  We have taken some old furniture for comfort and some new things to define our style together as a family.  That has worked well.

Our children are wonderful.  They have taken this blending families thing in stride and have each made an effort to make everyone feel loved and cared for.  There are definitely times when each of them feel picked on or that they don't fit in the family.  We have had to talk through some of that and have had counseling sessions for them and continue to try to be as open as we can about things.  I think our choice to make decisions together and parent like a normal 2 parent household has really helped the strength and unity of our family, and really we are the only 2 parents our kids have now (see my previous post about helping your child grieve).  The kids have been great with one another.  If they recognize someone is going through a hard time they try to be nicer in their own ways or help out if they are asked.  I try to give them little notes of encouragement or let them know when I appreciate something they have done or noticed their efforts in trying to help another sibling.  I hope they can see my love for them through those small acts.

We are still working on our relationships every day.  We aren't finished and we know that this will be a lifetime work in progress, but we wouldn't change it.  We are loving watching our kids grow up and experience things.  Its hard to believe that our oldest will graduate high school in the spring and will leave our home, but we are confident that she will succeed and we will be there for her every step of the way.  That's what families do right?  They encourage and support both in times of trials and in times of joy.  I am so thankful to our Heavenly Father who has been there every step of the way.  He has strengthened us, buoyed us up when we felt like quitting and has provided so many answers and little every day miracles that have assisted us in building our family.  This blended family of ours is the source of our greatest happiness.  

Mother's Day 2017

Mother's Day is a bittersweet day at our house.  It is the reminder of a mother gone, but still celebration of all of the wonderful influences that still grace us with their inspiring words and deeds.  This year as the kids left to visit their mom's grave I could sense sadness.  It broke my heart to know that they were suffering, were sad and there was nothing I could do to take that pain away.   The only thing I could do was understand and help them know I am here for them if they wanted or needed me. 


The rest of the day was filled with a wonderful church service about charity.  Food, family and CHOCOLATE!!  What is Mother's Day without chocolate right!!  It was fun to BBQ and spend time with our loved ones.


On the way home, I noticed this sweet post from Lucy on Instagram:

That simple, sweet message was one of the most precious gifts I've been given.  It was completely unexpected, but so powerful.  It made me realize that even though at times I've felt like I am not getting through to them or they don't see me as a mother figure....they do know that I will be there for them and that I do want to help them in any way I can.  I love them and in these quiet moments I know they must love me too!!


If you are struggling as a stepmom, DON'T GIVE UP!!  Those children need you and they will some day see how much you sacrificed for them and that you really did love them!  Get up, brush yourself off, and be the awesome only you can be for them!  I believe you can do it!  Its hard sometimes and good in other times, but you are exactly what they need!


Happy Mother's Day to all of you awesome mothers out there!

What's your Why??

Today while scrolling my Instagram feed I came across a post from @mintarrow asking "What's your Why?"  It got me thinking about why I do what I do in my life.  Why I married a widower, why I raise these adorable kids, why I go to work every day, why I try so hard to treat others with kindness, why I work so hard in my church callings and share my feelings about God.

I do it because, like many others I'm sure, I feel good and successful and blessed beyond measure.  I want to share my experiences with others and hope that it helps someone else. I raise these kids because they deserve as much love as they can get...even when their biological mother isn't me, but I love them (and my biological child) and they are my kids none the less.  I love my husband beyond what I thought possible.  I can't imagine my life without him & so of course I want to do as much as I can for him.  I work hard so we can all play hard, so I can learn new things & meet new people.  I love my church and the people I meet there.  I love the teachings and lessons about God.  I am forever grateful for the knowledge of my Savior and the wonderful blessings I receive because of HIM.

So the underlying message here is LOVE.  I live my life in hopes to show others love.  I have my weaknesses though and love doesn't always win out.  I'm moody, tired, stressed, overworked and underpaid just like everyone else, but I'm trying to build people up instead of drag them down.  I love my family.  I feel so blessed to call them mine.  I have so much fun with them and I love the time we are all able to spend together.  I love the stages of life they are at, I love to see them learning and growing.  I love hearing them laugh and building these memories with them.

So tell me...what's your why??



Ready for Kindergarten

She's ready for Kindergarten, but her parents might not be!  We are excited for her to go to school and grow up, but it makes us a little sad too!  She is our last child at home.  Its a little bittersweet to have them all going to school now.  But, boy is she ever excited!!  She can't wait to start and 4 months is a little too long to have to wait for Kindergarten!  At least we were able to go to registration and she got to meet the teachers and see the classrooms and the school.  So glad she has something to look forward to!

Love this girl!




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Heather

Blending Families

We are happy.  We are marrying the person with don't want to live without.  We are in love.  We are also blinded slightly by this said love!  You see, we have 3 teenage children, ages 15, 13, and 12, and 1 little, age 5.  We love them.  We love each other.  They all love each other...don't they?  Wait!!!!...They barely know each other and the new 'step' parent....this is all going to work out right...the 'happily ever after' we wanted??  Whose idea was this anyway??  I'm sure that is how many people feel.  And the thought did cross my mind!

We are not naive to the fact that we are trying to blend families with teenagers, and That.Is.Hard!  No matter how great the kids are (and ours are), it is difficult to take 2 families and make them one.  Especially in circumstances like ours...one parent lost to a horrible disease-cancer...and the other to divorce and drugs.  Our children have already been through some really difficult times.  And now, they have another challenge to handle....a blended family.

I read once that it takes 5 years to blend a family.  5 years??  That is a lifetime.  There are routines and the way they used to do it and the way you used to do it...and new roles to learn....and the hierachy of the new family....and the way discipline is handled.....and having a 2 parent household again....and traditions....and extended families....and how do you incorporate the missing parents...is anyone else feeling overwhelmed yet?  And all that comes after the marriage, but....What about where will  you live? Will they have to attend new schools?  Make new friends?  There is alot to consider when blending families.

This topic has been stressful for Rex and I to navigate through.  We have had many discussions on how we are going to handle these issues.  We had a struggle about where we were going to live.  I wanted to stay where I was and what my daughter was used to and he had promised his children that they would not have to move after their mother passed away.  It was something he felt very strongly about.  I was so conflicted with that decision.  We looked at houses in both places, but mostly closer to him.  When we found our house, I knew it was the right place for us to be.  We were under contract for another house, but that fell through when the square footage was off and they would not lower their price...so we began looking again.  When we found this house, it just felt right.  We knew this was the place we needed to be.  I'm sure it will be a blessing to all of us.  Only time will tell that!

As far as all of the other struggles for blending families, we have decided to parent together.  This may be hard in the beginning for everyone to adjust to, but we feel that we have to make decisions together and stand united so that we can be a stronger foundation for our children and so they can also see what a family unit looks like.  I'm sure there will be some struggles with this, especially when discipline is concerned, but we are going to take it day by day and then evaluate how its working for us and adjust as needed.  We have tried to incorporate a little of the old for each child both in structure and decor and then some new that pulls our new family together.

We have contact with our extended families as well as our past spouses families and we are working to build relationships with them and keep our kids as involved in those relationships as they want.  Distance is an issue, but we are working on keeping an open line of communication for all that want to be involved.  And I must say...we are so blessed.  We have some of the most caring people in our families & extended families.  We could not be happier with the support we have received.

The last thing that weighs on my mind is that if it really does take 5 years to blend a family, our children will be moved out before then.  Our oldest only has 3 years left at home before she leaves for college and is out on her own.  How I love these kids I've been blessed with to have in my family.  I hope in that short time I can develop lasting relationships and instill in them my love for each one of them.  I struggle with the fact that I will be coming into their lives during some of the most difficult times they will endure which may require some of that discipline we were just talking about.  I don't want them  to see that as punishment, but more as guidance because I care about them.  I want them to know that I love them and that I am there for them through anything they are going through.

Raising kids is hard and sometimes being a step parent is even harder!!  But we have to keep loving and keep hoping and keep trying even through those times of wanting to give up!  I have to think there will be some of those days for all of us out there!  Our 'Happily Ever After' can come though, through hard work, prayer and persistence.  I'm grateful for this new family and look forward to the new adventures together!

I am a Stepmother..and I love it!!

I am a stepmom to 3 amazing kids!  I feel blessed to be a part of their lives.  I love them all.  Lucy is a gifted piano player, an academic wiz and has a classic Audrey Hepburn style.  Cole is kind, he has a way to make everyone feel comfortable and accepted, he is athletic and respectful and gives his all in everything he does.  Cecelia...she is fun and carefree, her laugh is infectious and she is all about having fun, but she's 6...who could blame her!




I have all these great feelings about these kids and want them to be successful grown ups.  However, that doesn't change the fact that its hard to be a stepparent.  I am still not their mother.  They don't want me to be, they don't need me to be her.  They never planned for me or expected me.  Maybe they see me as an outsider trying to take her place, as someone who will take over the responsibilities of the house and taking care of the younger sibling and their father, maybe as someone to take them dress shopping or to baseball or maybe they see me as someone who can take care of their daily needs.  Trying to figure out who they need me to be is different for each child.  Its easy for Cecelia.  She is little and still needs everything a mother can give her; love, attention, and her daily needs met, just to name a few.  For the older kids, they don't need much of their daily needs met, they can handle those themselves, however they do need a mother's influence, guidance, direction and love.   


I have great respect and appreciation for their mother.  I know that she is looking down on them every day from heaven.  She loves them and is helping me do for them what she cannot do herself.  I feel blessed beyond measure to be able to raise them and love them and be there for them when she cannot be.  I can't help but think that I promised her before we came to earth that I would care for them.  I'm sure that at times my presence might remind them of her and the fact that she is no longer living, and their acceptance of me will take time.  When speaking of being a stepmom herself, Sister Kristen Oaks, second wife of  Dallin H. Oaks, a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, said, "Have patience and allow others to have patience, too." 


This whole blending families thing is a wonderful, but sometimes a rocky road.  We are all learning about each other.  We are trying to bring all of our experiences and traditions together.  Incorporating them is sometimes difficult, but we are all working at it.  We all try to help each other.  We all love each other.  We all have patience with each other, at least most of the time!!  As Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles has said, " Keep loving. Keep trying. Keep trusting. Keep believing. Keep growing. Heaven is cheering you on today, tomorrow, and forever."  I believe that we have a special angel in heaven who is helping us come together and show our love more openly to each other because she wants us all to be together forever.


Families are eternal.  We know that bringing our families together will build lasting bonds.  Heavenly Father has promised that families can be together forever through His plan.  I know that we always want to be together, so we will continue to keep the commandments, and above all, love each other.

Engagement Pictures

After all the planning of outfits and praying that the rain would quit all day, its time to get our engagement and first family photos done!  I tried to get the input of the whole family on the color scheme.  Aqua and Navy blue were the winners!!  I think that is a bit funny though as our wedding colors are cream and coral, but I wanted to include the kids and let them have some decisions to make with this new adventure!


My cousin did our photos.  She is a photographer, JW Photograpy is the name of her business.  She took us to a place in Bluffdale.  It was the perfect location.  The weather was great and I think the pictures are amazing!  Can't wait to choose one for our announcement and another to display in our new home!!  Take a look.....

Picture Perfect!  Love this crazy family of mine!!

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Heather