Updated: Blended Families Part 3

Here we are again...another year gone by and more lessons learned in the world of blending families.

We have been married for 3 years now.  This year has had it's up and downs too.  I feel like this year has been smoother in most aspects.  Everyone knows the rules and has their own space.  They are integrated into their schools and social lives.  They are thriving and are such great kids.  Rex and I always comment on how our kids have been through so many hard things and yet, they are great kids.  They don't have major issues, just the normal growing pains.  They might be intensified by their losses, but they are amazing and always find a way to cope.  We feel so lucky to be their parents.

This year our oldest daughter, Lucy, graduated from high school and left for college.  This totally changed the dynamic of our home.  She was the most responsible one.  The one who helped and nurtured our youngest the most.  She was the one we knew we could rely on.  BUT...it was time for her to start her own journey, which we are thrilled for.  She has been looking forward to this for a long time and we know she will do great!

The other kids are adapting to life without Lucy.  They are building their relationships with each other much more.  They are coming closer and learning more about one another, which doesn't always result in happy endings.  There is still teasing and fighting and learning that they aren't always right, but I would say that overall they are doing great!  Cole is now the oldest child at home and he has taken that role on willingly and does what he can to help his siblings and us, the parents as they like to call us!  Kaylie is becoming the fun sibling that Cecelia needs and entertains her and does fun things with her.  Cecelia is growing up quickly.  She is curious about the things around her, which sometimes gets her into trouble because she is always wanting to try new things!  There are small changes in the household like chore charts and other household responsibilities, bedtimes, who gets to stay home and watch Cecelia instead of going out with their friends, and who gets to pray or read scriptures AGAIN since you just did it at the first of the week, but it's your turn again.

Rex is amazing as always.  His patience with all of this is almost superhuman.  He is constantly building me up and helping me through the challenges of life.  We still make all of our decisions together...kids, house, work, everything really.  It makes it easy to support each other and our family because we both have ownership of the life we are building together.  I know that doesn't work in everyone's situation, but for us that has been essential.

We are excited to see what great things are to come this year!  We feel lucky to have so much love and support from our families and friends!!  This blended family business is challenging at times, but it is so worth it every day!!  Here's to another year!!!

💗💗💗💗💗💗
Heather

Happy 3rd Anniversary to Us!

I can't believe I've been married to my dream man for 3 yrs.  3yrs on the 3rd....Isn't there a special name for that...when your anniversary falls on the date you were married?  Well in my world its a celebration!!

This year it was on a Sunday!  So...we did the things we would normally do, like church and hung out with the kids....all except when our youngest threw up at the dinner table!  Not awesome!!  We made sure she was alright and then it was off to Anniversary Inn...(check it out if you haven't been, it was awesome).  We had treats and watched movies & just enjoyed our time together.  Since our anniversary falls over Labor Day, we had Monday to hang out together.  We checked out a reclaimed wood store we have wanted to visit, but it was CLOSED!  So being our fun selves...we headed home!!

I love that we can have fun just hanging out together, doing the normal every day things that a family does.  That is what a real relationship is to me.  Its not just the going out every night, spending money and impressing each other...its the real things of life...the good and the hard things, but we face them all together.  Thanks for sticking with me Goodman!  We make a great team!!

Happy Anniversary!


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Heather

4th First Date

It's that time again...the time when we get to celebrate our first date EVER!!  We are so thankful that we found each other.  With all the crazy of 4 kids and real lives, we think its important to take the time to celebrate us and our relationship.  So we went back to the place where it all started.  Dinner and taking in some us time at City Creek.  Simple, but fun to reminisce how WE came to be!

So thankful for this guy and all of the happiness he brings into my life!  Love you more every day Goodman 💜


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Heather

God Loves Broken Things

I am constantly looking for other women who are going through or have been through the same things I am struggling with.  Blending families, divorce, remarriage, raising kids...whatever it is.  It seems like it is always easy to find the negative or discouraging things out there, and I know that is part of the journey, but its so special and uplifting to me when I find someone who can be in the midst of a trial, but still be trying to find happiness. And can show that happiness throughout their struggle.  Not every day maybe, but more than they are projecting negativity, and also that they can show they are making it through and so can I.   It's the way I want to live, the way I am trying to live, although I know I need to work on that a lot!

Yesterday I came across Calee Reed.  She is a motivational speaker and a songwriter, singer.  She spoke in Time Out for Women in 2017 and talked about a song she absolutely loves called "Broken" by Kenneth Cope.  She also talked about a form of Japanese art called Kintsugi.  It means to repair with gold; the art of repairing pottery with lacquer and gold or silver powder, understanding that the piece is more beautiful for having been broken.



She goes on to say that she hopes that as she comes closer to the Savior that He can make something beautiful of her broken pieces.  And I just LOVE THAT!  Don't we all feel like we have so many broken parts of us?  There are so many things that we find ugly within ourselves..things we want to just hide away, but with the love of our Savior and His refining power He is able to put those pieces back together in a way that is beautiful and powerful and we can see His light within ourselves.  I love this image and imaging His love woven through the cracks in our lives and the love that we feel knowing of His love for us.  And hopefully others will be able to see that too!

I love this message.  I love that others help us on our journeys.  I love that God loves us so much that He uses us to help each other.  I love that through our brokeness (Is that even a word??)  that we become better beings and closer to what He wants us to become.


Here are the words to "Broken" and also a link to her cover of the song:

BROKEN (Words by Kenneth Cope; Music by Kenneth & Eliza Cope) —inspired by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

Broken clouds give rain
Broken soil grows grain
Broken bread feeds man for one more day

Broken storms yield light
The break of day heals night
Broken pride turns blindness into sight

Broken souls that need His mending
Broken hearts for offering
Could it be that God loves broken things

Broken chains set free
Broken swords bring peace
Broken walls make friends of you and me

To break the ranks of sin
To break the news of Him
To put on Christ till His name feels broken in

Broken souls that need His mending
Broken hearts for offering
I believe that God loves broken things

And yet, our broken faith, our broken promises
Sent love to the cross
And still, that broken flesh, that broken heart of His
Offers us such grace and mercy
Covers us with love undeserving

This broken soul that cries for mending
This broken heart for offering
I’m convinced that God loves broken me
Praise His name—my God loves broken things
So, broken cloud—Give rain
And broken soil—Grow grain
And broken bread—Feed man for one more day

Calee Reed cover of Broken



Happy Wednesday Everyone! ❤

💗💗💗💗💗💗
Heather

Update: Blending Families

I've been thinking a lot about how blending our family is going.  Its been 2 years since we began this journey.  We've had our ups and downs.  Learning from and with each other.  But, overall, I think we are doing a pretty great job!  The picture below is us on the 4th of July...we're all smiling right...so things must be good!!

In the beginning, parenting was difficult.  Learning how to parent other kids and them learning our different styles of parenting took some time.  But we were consistent in our expectations and made it the same for each of them.   Teaching them why they were given certain learning opportunities (our kids like to see them as punishments however) in different circumstances was also a learning curve. Each child is different and one way of doing something doesn't always work for every child however.....am I right??  😉 So we've had to adapt to that.  We also showed them that we stood together as a team and that no matter what we were going to support each other as parents and spouses.  I think that helped them to understand that they couldn't put us at odds as a couple and play us against each other. If we had a difference of opinion on how to handle something we would talk together and then make a decision together.  We also let our kids voice their opinions or reasons they disagreed with us and then consider their thoughts.  Sometimes we changed their 'punishment' and sometimes we didn't and we would explain why.  I think that helped them know that we value their input even if the outcome was the same.  We gave them a chance to speak. 

We have made an effort to do things together as a family.  We have been on a few family vacations and travelled for baseball and dance competitions.  We play games together, eat dinner together each night, we do nightly family scripture reading and prayers together, and our family home evening once a week.  We give the kids opportunities to work together on projects.  We have finally gotten into a groove with those things and I feel like we are on the right track.

I think it was a great idea to move into a new house.  Everyone had the opportunity to make their own space and place in the house.  No one had claims to any place previously and we all adapted to a new life in a new place.  We all lived upstairs while our basement was being finished and it was a little cramped, but I hope it helped grow the bonds of our new blended family.  We haven't displayed pictures of the deceased parents in the common areas of the house, but we have given each child the choice to have those things in their rooms.  The balance between moving on, but still remembering those good times and people is a funny thing.  Some of the kids tell us when they need support in those areas and other kids handle their emotions on there own.  I hope they know they can share feelings and memories they have!  We have taken some old furniture for comfort and some new things to define our style together as a family.  That has worked well.

Our children are wonderful.  They have taken this blending families thing in stride and have each made an effort to make everyone feel loved and cared for.  There are definitely times when each of them feel picked on or that they don't fit in the family.  We have had to talk through some of that and have had counseling sessions for them and continue to try to be as open as we can about things.  I think our choice to make decisions together and parent like a normal 2 parent household has really helped the strength and unity of our family, and really we are the only 2 parents our kids have now (see my previous post about helping your child grieve).  The kids have been great with one another.  If they recognize someone is going through a hard time they try to be nicer in their own ways or help out if they are asked.  I try to give them little notes of encouragement or let them know when I appreciate something they have done or noticed their efforts in trying to help another sibling.  I hope they can see my love for them through those small acts.

We are still working on our relationships every day.  We aren't finished and we know that this will be a lifetime work in progress, but we wouldn't change it.  We are loving watching our kids grow up and experience things.  Its hard to believe that our oldest will graduate high school in the spring and will leave our home, but we are confident that she will succeed and we will be there for her every step of the way.  That's what families do right?  They encourage and support both in times of trials and in times of joy.  I am so thankful to our Heavenly Father who has been there every step of the way.  He has strengthened us, buoyed us up when we felt like quitting and has provided so many answers and little every day miracles that have assisted us in building our family.  This blended family of ours is the source of our greatest happiness.  

Mother's Day 2017

Mother's Day is a bittersweet day at our house.  It is the reminder of a mother gone, but still celebration of all of the wonderful influences that still grace us with their inspiring words and deeds.  This year as the kids left to visit their mom's grave I could sense sadness.  It broke my heart to know that they were suffering, were sad and there was nothing I could do to take that pain away.   The only thing I could do was understand and help them know I am here for them if they wanted or needed me. 


The rest of the day was filled with a wonderful church service about charity.  Food, family and CHOCOLATE!!  What is Mother's Day without chocolate right!!  It was fun to BBQ and spend time with our loved ones.


On the way home, I noticed this sweet post from Lucy on Instagram:

That simple, sweet message was one of the most precious gifts I've been given.  It was completely unexpected, but so powerful.  It made me realize that even though at times I've felt like I am not getting through to them or they don't see me as a mother figure....they do know that I will be there for them and that I do want to help them in any way I can.  I love them and in these quiet moments I know they must love me too!!


If you are struggling as a stepmom, DON'T GIVE UP!!  Those children need you and they will some day see how much you sacrificed for them and that you really did love them!  Get up, brush yourself off, and be the awesome only you can be for them!  I believe you can do it!  Its hard sometimes and good in other times, but you are exactly what they need!


Happy Mother's Day to all of you awesome mothers out there!