4th First Date

It's that time again...the time when we get to celebrate our first date EVER!!  We are so thankful that we found each other.  With all the crazy of 4 kids and real lives, we think its important to take the time to celebrate us and our relationship.  So we went back to the place where it all started.  Dinner and taking in some us time at City Creek.  Simple, but fun to reminisce how WE came to be!

So thankful for this guy and all of the happiness he brings into my life!  Love you more every day Goodman 💜


💗💗💗💗💗💗
Heather

It's Baptism Day!!

There have been so many special moments for our family over the last couple of weeks.  And today...we get to celebrate one more!!  Today is Cecelia's baptism day.  In our church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, when we turn 8, we get to choose if we want to become a member.  If we do, we are able to be baptized and make a promise to Heavenly Father that we will follow His commandments and try to follow the example of our Savior, Jesus Christ.  Also on that special day, we receive a gift from Heavenly Father, the gift of the Holy Ghost...he gets to be with us all the time!  He helps us to know what is right in all the things we do.

Cecelia has decided to become the newest member of our ward and be baptized.  She is so excited to be baptized.  She was able to choose whether Dad or Cole was going to baptize her...and she chose Dad.  She also decided that she wanted to wear Kaylie's baptism dress since she wore Lucy's for her pictures.  She is so excited that her friends and family are going to be there to watch her....she is also hoping that her mom, Jeni will be there too.  I told her I thought she would be.

After her baptism, as she was coming out of the font, she looked at me and said, "Mom, its soo cool that my old mom got to see that!"  We're all so glad we got to be a part of this special day!!  Cecelia we love you and are so excited for you to continue to grow and learn more about our Savior Jesus Christ and His ministry.   Happy Baptism Day sweet girl!!

💗💗💗💗💗💗

Heather

Families are Forever

Today is one of my most favorite days!!  Ever since she was born, I hoped for a day when I would get to have my daughter sealed to me forever!!  As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, we believe that we can be with our families forever.  Through the sacred ordinance of sealing, we can have this blessing for our family....and today was that day!

It was such a special experience to have all of our children in the temple with us for the event.  We were all able to participate in Kaylie's sealing.  The temple workers were incredible and were so excited to have children in the temple, since most times the youth are only there to do baptisms for the dead, which is in a different part of the temple.  Our kids felt like royalty and were definitely treated that way!  They had their own special changing rooms and things to do while they waited for Rex and I to get ready.  Then we were able to meet together in the special sealing rooms.  We all dressed in white.  We all felt the Holy Ghost.  We all knew that this was God's will for us.  He loves us and wants us to be happy and return to Him someday to live as families with Him.

After the sealing, we of course took pictures outside of the temple.  Then we went home and had pizza with our family who came to witness this special time in our lives.  We laughed and ate and enjoyed the time we had to spend together.  Families are a gift from heaven.  They are there to celebrate the good times and help us through the bad times.  They are what brings meaning to our lives!  We are so thankful for all of the love and support we get from our families.

💗💗💗💗💗💗

Heather

If you want to learn more about our church...click on the link here.

Rainbow Love Notes

Sometimes as a stepmom I wonder if I'm doing it right, if I do enough, if I am enough, if these littles (and not so littles) entrusted to me feel enough love and support.  Its a challenging situation when you are blending families.

This weekend my daughter and I were out of town at a dance competition.  And when we came home, this is what we found....

What a precious little gift.  My cute little 7yr old made this adorable card for us during sacrament meeting and had each of the family members sign it.  Such a sweet sentiment for this mom!  I love this family.  I love being a part of it and I love that as time moves forward we are able to share more love and kindness with each other...especially ones with handmade rainbow love notes!!

💗💗💗💗💗💗
Heather

Festival of Trees

It's that time of year again!!  It's time for the Festival of Trees.  I love this event.  I love the meaning behind it!  I love the family time we spend there!

Here is a little history of the festival...
The Festival of Trees was inspired 46 years ago by a group of 15 women from along the Wasatch Front.  These women were challenged by Lewis M. Jones, Chairman of the hospital's Men's Endowment Board, to identify a way to raise funds for Primary Children's Hospital.  Organized as the Women's Endowment Committee and led by Betty Wells, the group sold tickets to the Ice Capades and dabbled in other projects in an attempt to raise funds.  They soon determined they had spent too much time and energy for too little return.  They searched for one project they could devote all their efforts on.
That project was inspired when Co-Chair Ruth Flint vacationed in Hawaii and attended a Christmas boutique featuring small, decorated Christmas trees, centerpieces, and Christmas decorations.  The Women's Endowment Committee expanded the concept to include full-sized decorated Christmas trees, a gift boutique, and sweet shop.  At that time, Primary Children's Hospital was owned by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and much of the support would come from church members.
That first year, there were approximately 60 trees for display and sale in the gymnasium of the old Armory off Sunnyside Avenue.  To everyone's surprise and delight, $47,000 was raised!


Today, the Festival of Trees is held at the South Towne Expo Center in Sandy, Utah.  Over the years, this beautiful event has blossomed into a festival that spans over 220,000 square feet of display space.
Perhaps the greatest phenomenon of all is that everything is donated.  The trees are decorated and purchased by individuals, families, organizations, businesses, and church groups.  In addition, others generously donate items to fill the shops.  Businesses provide the paper and printing of posters and tickets.  Corporations offer their covered trucks and drivers to help deliver the trees, and so much more!  Thousands of people contribute countless hours and means to give "A Gift of Love" to children.  In 2016. the Festival raised $2,622,903.88 for children at Primary Children's Hospital.
Over the years, Festival of Trees has been copied many times throughout the United States and Canada.  However, the Salt Lake City Festival of Trees remains the "granddaddy" of them all.


My daughter Kaylie is a talented dancer and her studio would perform every year at the Festival.  We would then spend time walking through the aisles looking at all of the beautiful trees, wreaths and gingerbread houses, etc...and who can resist all of the YUMMY food and treats you can purchase!!  BUT....our favorite part is the Kids' Corner where you can talk to an Elf at the North Pole or make awesome crafts or ornaments or even stand in a booth and be surrounded in a big giant soap bubble!!  Such a magical, fun place to be.  The feeling of joy and good wishes to all abound there.


Now we have a new reason to visit the Festival!!  Lucy and Cole, our 2 oldest, with the help of a family friend donate a tree every year in honor of their sweet mother.  They come up with a theme, shop for ornaments and then decorate the tree.  They LOVE delivery day!  They always seem so excited and really enjoy setting up their tree and honoring their mom.  I am so thankful they have this event every year to honor her and I know they love that all of the proceeds go to help children who are in need of special care too.  They get to go before the rest of our family and they usually have a tree or two that they love and want to show us in addition to their own!!


The theme they chose this year was 'dancing all night'....here are Lucy's words explaining it!!  "One of my favorite memories of my mom is her dance parties.  even when she was sick and in pain from her cancer treatments, she would turn on some music and we'd all dance it out.  these dance parties were the inspiration for this year's tree-dancing all night."
Many people remember these dance parties and talk about them fondly.  It was a blessing to them all and a sweet reminder of the woman who meant so much to so many.

It turned out beautifully!  This event is such a great reminder to me that despite all of the bad things in the world, there are also so many good things.  We must seek out the good things and share them with others.  We must be kind, happy and share our goodness with those around us and help those in need.  "As we follow the example of the Savior and live as He lived and as He taught, that light will burn within us and will light the way for others," President Thomas S. Monson


Go check out the Festival if you are able!  You'll love it and want to go back every year!


💗💗💗💗💗💗
Heather

Update: Blending Families

I've been thinking a lot about how blending our family is going.  Its been 2 years since we began this journey.  We've had our ups and downs.  Learning from and with each other.  But, overall, I think we are doing a pretty great job!  The picture below is us on the 4th of July...we're all smiling right...so things must be good!!

In the beginning, parenting was difficult.  Learning how to parent other kids and them learning our different styles of parenting took some time.  But we were consistent in our expectations and made it the same for each of them.   Teaching them why they were given certain learning opportunities (our kids like to see them as punishments however) in different circumstances was also a learning curve. Each child is different and one way of doing something doesn't always work for every child however.....am I right??  😉 So we've had to adapt to that.  We also showed them that we stood together as a team and that no matter what we were going to support each other as parents and spouses.  I think that helped them to understand that they couldn't put us at odds as a couple and play us against each other. If we had a difference of opinion on how to handle something we would talk together and then make a decision together.  We also let our kids voice their opinions or reasons they disagreed with us and then consider their thoughts.  Sometimes we changed their 'punishment' and sometimes we didn't and we would explain why.  I think that helped them know that we value their input even if the outcome was the same.  We gave them a chance to speak. 

We have made an effort to do things together as a family.  We have been on a few family vacations and travelled for baseball and dance competitions.  We play games together, eat dinner together each night, we do nightly family scripture reading and prayers together, and our family home evening once a week.  We give the kids opportunities to work together on projects.  We have finally gotten into a groove with those things and I feel like we are on the right track.

I think it was a great idea to move into a new house.  Everyone had the opportunity to make their own space and place in the house.  No one had claims to any place previously and we all adapted to a new life in a new place.  We all lived upstairs while our basement was being finished and it was a little cramped, but I hope it helped grow the bonds of our new blended family.  We haven't displayed pictures of the deceased parents in the common areas of the house, but we have given each child the choice to have those things in their rooms.  The balance between moving on, but still remembering those good times and people is a funny thing.  Some of the kids tell us when they need support in those areas and other kids handle their emotions on there own.  I hope they know they can share feelings and memories they have!  We have taken some old furniture for comfort and some new things to define our style together as a family.  That has worked well.

Our children are wonderful.  They have taken this blending families thing in stride and have each made an effort to make everyone feel loved and cared for.  There are definitely times when each of them feel picked on or that they don't fit in the family.  We have had to talk through some of that and have had counseling sessions for them and continue to try to be as open as we can about things.  I think our choice to make decisions together and parent like a normal 2 parent household has really helped the strength and unity of our family, and really we are the only 2 parents our kids have now (see my previous post about helping your child grieve).  The kids have been great with one another.  If they recognize someone is going through a hard time they try to be nicer in their own ways or help out if they are asked.  I try to give them little notes of encouragement or let them know when I appreciate something they have done or noticed their efforts in trying to help another sibling.  I hope they can see my love for them through those small acts.

We are still working on our relationships every day.  We aren't finished and we know that this will be a lifetime work in progress, but we wouldn't change it.  We are loving watching our kids grow up and experience things.  Its hard to believe that our oldest will graduate high school in the spring and will leave our home, but we are confident that she will succeed and we will be there for her every step of the way.  That's what families do right?  They encourage and support both in times of trials and in times of joy.  I am so thankful to our Heavenly Father who has been there every step of the way.  He has strengthened us, buoyed us up when we felt like quitting and has provided so many answers and little every day miracles that have assisted us in building our family.  This blended family of ours is the source of our greatest happiness.  

Today is their Anniversary

My husband is a widower.  I married him fully knowing this.  I put all of the feelings of him and his first wife aside when I decided to marry him.  I wasn't sure if I could handle them all, but I knew I loved him and I knew marrying him was right and what I wanted to do.  Sometimes her memory is hard for me.  I feel like I am the other woman.  I feel like I only got a second chance because she died.  I am afraid that I will be alone in the next life, because in my personal beliefs, this life is only part of our eternal existence.  Let me be clear, these are my feelings, not my husband's.  He NEVER compares me to Jeni.  He never makes me feel that he loves me any less than he loves her.  These are my own personal feelings that sometimes get the best of me...especially on days like today. 


Today is their wedding anniversary.  It would have been their 19th wedding anniversary.  In some ways it makes me sad and brings up all of my insecurities.  However, in some ways, it brings me joy.  She helped influence this man that I love so much.  She helped him become who he is in so many ways.  I'm sure he is more compassionate and loving because of his experiences with her.  He is so giving of himself and his time.  He understands what it means to truly love someone.  He never wants to fight or argue over things.  He is understanding and forgiving.  He is ALWAYS trying to make me happy.  He gives all he has to his family.  I know that because of her, he is this amazing person.  I also know that whatever comes in the next life, I will be happier than I ever imagined.  I know God loves me more than I know and He will make everything right so we can all be happy. 


So while I sometimes have these negative feelings eating at my heart, I am thankful for her and her influence...her goodness.  Happy Anniversary!!  I hope you are dancing with the angels in celebration and wishing you nothing but happiness and peace. ❤❤❤

Mother's Day 2017

Mother's Day is a bittersweet day at our house.  It is the reminder of a mother gone, but still celebration of all of the wonderful influences that still grace us with their inspiring words and deeds.  This year as the kids left to visit their mom's grave I could sense sadness.  It broke my heart to know that they were suffering, were sad and there was nothing I could do to take that pain away.   The only thing I could do was understand and help them know I am here for them if they wanted or needed me. 


The rest of the day was filled with a wonderful church service about charity.  Food, family and CHOCOLATE!!  What is Mother's Day without chocolate right!!  It was fun to BBQ and spend time with our loved ones.


On the way home, I noticed this sweet post from Lucy on Instagram:

That simple, sweet message was one of the most precious gifts I've been given.  It was completely unexpected, but so powerful.  It made me realize that even though at times I've felt like I am not getting through to them or they don't see me as a mother figure....they do know that I will be there for them and that I do want to help them in any way I can.  I love them and in these quiet moments I know they must love me too!!


If you are struggling as a stepmom, DON'T GIVE UP!!  Those children need you and they will some day see how much you sacrificed for them and that you really did love them!  Get up, brush yourself off, and be the awesome only you can be for them!  I believe you can do it!  Its hard sometimes and good in other times, but you are exactly what they need!


Happy Mother's Day to all of you awesome mothers out there!

Provo City Center Open House

Today we were able to attend the Provo City Center Temple open house.  It was FREEZING!  But soo worth it!  I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  We believe that sacred ordinances are performed in temples.  Learn more about temples HERE.


This temple was so beautiful.  It is the 2nd temple in Provo and was previously the Provo Tabernacle until it was destroyed by a fire.  Read more about its history HERE.  I am thankful we were able to walk through it with our family before it was dedicated.  Our kids loved the baptismal font and the celestial room.  I think what they loved most was being able to experience it with their cousins!


I'm thankful for my beliefs and for the Savior Jesus Christ and for all of the people who worked so hard to bring this blessing of the temple to us all.

💗💗💗💗💗💗
Heather

Blending Families

We are happy.  We are marrying the person with don't want to live without.  We are in love.  We are also blinded slightly by this said love!  You see, we have 3 teenage children, ages 15, 13, and 12, and 1 little, age 5.  We love them.  We love each other.  They all love each other...don't they?  Wait!!!!...They barely know each other and the new 'step' parent....this is all going to work out right...the 'happily ever after' we wanted??  Whose idea was this anyway??  I'm sure that is how many people feel.  And the thought did cross my mind!

We are not naive to the fact that we are trying to blend families with teenagers, and That.Is.Hard!  No matter how great the kids are (and ours are), it is difficult to take 2 families and make them one.  Especially in circumstances like ours...one parent lost to a horrible disease-cancer...and the other to divorce and drugs.  Our children have already been through some really difficult times.  And now, they have another challenge to handle....a blended family.

I read once that it takes 5 years to blend a family.  5 years??  That is a lifetime.  There are routines and the way they used to do it and the way you used to do it...and new roles to learn....and the hierachy of the new family....and the way discipline is handled.....and having a 2 parent household again....and traditions....and extended families....and how do you incorporate the missing parents...is anyone else feeling overwhelmed yet?  And all that comes after the marriage, but....What about where will  you live? Will they have to attend new schools?  Make new friends?  There is alot to consider when blending families.

This topic has been stressful for Rex and I to navigate through.  We have had many discussions on how we are going to handle these issues.  We had a struggle about where we were going to live.  I wanted to stay where I was and what my daughter was used to and he had promised his children that they would not have to move after their mother passed away.  It was something he felt very strongly about.  I was so conflicted with that decision.  We looked at houses in both places, but mostly closer to him.  When we found our house, I knew it was the right place for us to be.  We were under contract for another house, but that fell through when the square footage was off and they would not lower their price...so we began looking again.  When we found this house, it just felt right.  We knew this was the place we needed to be.  I'm sure it will be a blessing to all of us.  Only time will tell that!

As far as all of the other struggles for blending families, we have decided to parent together.  This may be hard in the beginning for everyone to adjust to, but we feel that we have to make decisions together and stand united so that we can be a stronger foundation for our children and so they can also see what a family unit looks like.  I'm sure there will be some struggles with this, especially when discipline is concerned, but we are going to take it day by day and then evaluate how its working for us and adjust as needed.  We have tried to incorporate a little of the old for each child both in structure and decor and then some new that pulls our new family together.

We have contact with our extended families as well as our past spouses families and we are working to build relationships with them and keep our kids as involved in those relationships as they want.  Distance is an issue, but we are working on keeping an open line of communication for all that want to be involved.  And I must say...we are so blessed.  We have some of the most caring people in our families & extended families.  We could not be happier with the support we have received.

The last thing that weighs on my mind is that if it really does take 5 years to blend a family, our children will be moved out before then.  Our oldest only has 3 years left at home before she leaves for college and is out on her own.  How I love these kids I've been blessed with to have in my family.  I hope in that short time I can develop lasting relationships and instill in them my love for each one of them.  I struggle with the fact that I will be coming into their lives during some of the most difficult times they will endure which may require some of that discipline we were just talking about.  I don't want them  to see that as punishment, but more as guidance because I care about them.  I want them to know that I love them and that I am there for them through anything they are going through.

Raising kids is hard and sometimes being a step parent is even harder!!  But we have to keep loving and keep hoping and keep trying even through those times of wanting to give up!  I have to think there will be some of those days for all of us out there!  Our 'Happily Ever After' can come though, through hard work, prayer and persistence.  I'm grateful for this new family and look forward to the new adventures together!

It's Our Wedding Day

It's finally here!!  We have been planning and waiting for this day for awhile!  We have had plenty of things to do to keep us busy, but I'm so excited to marry my best friend today!!  We are being sealed in the Salt Lake Temple.  It has been my dream since I was a little girl to be married to my husband in this temple.  I have never gone into the Salt Lake Temple before today.  I wanted it to be something I shared for the first time with my husband, my eternal companion.   And it was! 

I love that I was able to promise my husband forever.  I'm thankful for a loving Heavenly Father that promises eternal life for all of those who choose to follow His son Jesus Christ.  Today we promised each other FOREVER!  We get to start that journey now!!

I am ALL about selfies...so this day isn't complete without one!  We took a break from the normal photo barrage that happens after you are married to snap a quick pic together.  By the way...we had the BEST photographer!  Her name is Jamie Findlay...you can find her info here....she is amazing!  Check her out!

And then there was our reception!  It turned out better than I could have imagined! If you are looking for someone to transform your backyard...check out KNL!  They were so fun and easy to work with!  It was our backyard full of the people we love, who we were lucky enough to spend the day with...and of course...my obsession....WAFFLE LOVE!  They catered our wedding, food truck and all!  It was so much fun! 

 



As I reflect on this day, it was so different from my first marriage.  It was perfect right from the start.  No stress, no worries, no arguing or people not getting along...just happiness.  It was easy and everything fell into place.  This is what a marriage should be....no drama, but complete happiness and peace.  I know that this is right, no matter what other problems or differences we may have in the future.  Heavenly Father brought us together for a purpose we probably don't even understand yet, but I know that we will love each other and help each other through what comes next!!  I'm so excited to start this chapter of my life with the guy who has completed me, who loves me even when I'm not at my best, and who keeps encouraging me and giving me the strength to keep living life in incredible ways!  I love you now (and always) Goodman!  I'm so happy to share my life with you!